32 weeks!

Here we are at 32 weeks. And this is what a baby looks like in utero at 32 weeks.

My God, where does the time go? Just yesterday I was staring at a stick with two pink stripes, and today I'm preparing my hospital bag!

Right now I'm reading, "Bountiful, Beautiful, Blissful". Some of it is informative, some of it just reiterates my thoughts that, really, it simply is what it is. But the best thing I got out of it is this quote: "Want to make God laugh? Tell him your plans."

Very funny.

It did bring up a couple of things that I will chat with my OB about next visit. Will BC Women's support me if I'm feeling the need to deliver from a squatting position, or bent over, or standing, or any position but on my back? What if I'm called to walk and walk and walk through my labour? What if I would like the lights turned down a bit, especially during labour? It's about me and the baby and the healthiest birth possible so I just want to make sure our needs are being met in the safest way possible - and I don't want to feel afraid or uncomfortable in voicing my concerns, needs, wishes, etc.

So that's where I am now.

That, and sitting here blogging at 4:24am because I've been awake since my husband came to bed at 2am. ARGH. And I have such a busy day ahead! I'm writing a series on Pitching for my business, have a coffee meeting at 11:00, a massage (finally!) at 12:30, and a pedicure at 2:00 (seeing as I can hardly manage to cut my own nails at this point, let alone massage and paint them!) Then it's a few more hours of trying to drum up some more business and hopefully checking out a stroller in the early evening.


Baby: He's 17" from head to toe, and weighs about 3.75 lbs. The body is so amazing... how he fits in there! I wonder if the cirque folks have pre-birth memories and that's how they can fit into their crazy contortions.

Or they're boneless.

He's supposed to gain a third to a half of his birthweight in the next 8 weeks so I'm supposed to be eating well. The thing is, I don't have much of an appetite. Nothing is appealing to me. At all. It's like the first trimester again. Can only eat 1/2 of anything in front of me before I'm full or feel a bit ill. I'll just munch through the day I suppose and see how that does me. Lots of fruit and I guess I'll buy stuff that's ready to eat RIGHT NOW instead of having to prepare something (ie: safe meats for a quick sandwich instead of having to boil eggs or mix tuna, etc, because by the time that's done I've lost my appetite again. Frustrating. Very frustrating. It's times like these that I wish we could afford a food delivery service!)

It's now 4:51am and I've just yawned. Perhaps I'll manage to fall asleep in the next few minutes. One can always hope!

All for now.
s.

I've been having the weirdest dreams.

When I manage to sleep, that is.

They're like the first trimester dreams, only more about me and my personal safety. They're horrible. I know they are showing me my anxiety about labour and delivery, and I'm not taking them literally, but my God they're horrendous.

Dreaming of relatives dying (that are pregnant), dreaming of people trying to kill me, dreaming of people succeeding in killing me... which I've dreamt my whole life. Weird hey? I've seen myself die in my dreams numerous times and in numerous ways. Stabbings, suffocating, drowning (which seemed the most peaceful) and shot to death. But here I am, still kickin'!

And here I am at almost 32 weeks:

(and that's my darling Ling Ling strolling by).

All for now.

s.

Woke up this morning feeling incredibly creative. I think it's because of my wonky dreams. (Or it's because I'm creating something incredible in my belly...)

But seriously. The dreams? NUTS. 3rd trimester dreams are as crazy and vivid, and sometimes as terrifying, as 1st trimester dreams. INSANE.

And Donald is going through it too.

A few nights ago I was dreaming that a ghost was talking to me. It was whispering in my ear (didn't say anything very exciting. Just, "Boo".) Anyway, as this ghost was whispering I started to shoo it away by punching it in the face.

Well guess what? I was actually punching my husband in the face! I woke up by feeling my hand punching him in the cheek and jaw. And he woke up wondering why the hell his wife was beating him up in his sleep!

BUT, he was really glad I was hitting him because it got him out of a dream where we were driving down a road, him in the driver's seat, me in the passenger seat, and two men on the side of the road starting shooting at me.

Turns out, his face was by my ear and his breathing changed so drastically when someone was shooting at me that it manifested in my dream, at that very moment, as a ghost whispering in my ear.

Bizarre.

Sympathetic husband syndrome? Or serious dream connection. Either way, this is exactly the kind of thing that's happening in the 3rd trimester.

Wonky as hell, but fantastic. I love this stuff, I love how the body works, how nature works. How things happen just as intended. How the body is a map. How it just knows what to do.

How when my unborn child is kicking and poking inside me and I calmly say his name and that I love him and put my hand over the place he's kicking, he automatically calms down.

In utero.

He's learning about his mom. In utero. So imagine what he's learning when my heart rate increases or my blood pressure rises when I'm (unnecessarily) angry (or stressed or afraid).

I love the mystery of it all. And I'm glad it's a mystery and I hope some things in life always remain a mystery. It's beautiful.

S.