32 weeks!

Here we are at 32 weeks. And this is what a baby looks like in utero at 32 weeks.

My God, where does the time go? Just yesterday I was staring at a stick with two pink stripes, and today I'm preparing my hospital bag!

Right now I'm reading, "Bountiful, Beautiful, Blissful". Some of it is informative, some of it just reiterates my thoughts that, really, it simply is what it is. But the best thing I got out of it is this quote: "Want to make God laugh? Tell him your plans."

Very funny.

It did bring up a couple of things that I will chat with my OB about next visit. Will BC Women's support me if I'm feeling the need to deliver from a squatting position, or bent over, or standing, or any position but on my back? What if I'm called to walk and walk and walk through my labour? What if I would like the lights turned down a bit, especially during labour? It's about me and the baby and the healthiest birth possible so I just want to make sure our needs are being met in the safest way possible - and I don't want to feel afraid or uncomfortable in voicing my concerns, needs, wishes, etc.

So that's where I am now.

That, and sitting here blogging at 4:24am because I've been awake since my husband came to bed at 2am. ARGH. And I have such a busy day ahead! I'm writing a series on Pitching for my business, have a coffee meeting at 11:00, a massage (finally!) at 12:30, and a pedicure at 2:00 (seeing as I can hardly manage to cut my own nails at this point, let alone massage and paint them!) Then it's a few more hours of trying to drum up some more business and hopefully checking out a stroller in the early evening.


Baby: He's 17" from head to toe, and weighs about 3.75 lbs. The body is so amazing... how he fits in there! I wonder if the cirque folks have pre-birth memories and that's how they can fit into their crazy contortions.

Or they're boneless.

He's supposed to gain a third to a half of his birthweight in the next 8 weeks so I'm supposed to be eating well. The thing is, I don't have much of an appetite. Nothing is appealing to me. At all. It's like the first trimester again. Can only eat 1/2 of anything in front of me before I'm full or feel a bit ill. I'll just munch through the day I suppose and see how that does me. Lots of fruit and I guess I'll buy stuff that's ready to eat RIGHT NOW instead of having to prepare something (ie: safe meats for a quick sandwich instead of having to boil eggs or mix tuna, etc, because by the time that's done I've lost my appetite again. Frustrating. Very frustrating. It's times like these that I wish we could afford a food delivery service!)

It's now 4:51am and I've just yawned. Perhaps I'll manage to fall asleep in the next few minutes. One can always hope!

All for now.
s.

I've been having the weirdest dreams.

When I manage to sleep, that is.

They're like the first trimester dreams, only more about me and my personal safety. They're horrible. I know they are showing me my anxiety about labour and delivery, and I'm not taking them literally, but my God they're horrendous.

Dreaming of relatives dying (that are pregnant), dreaming of people trying to kill me, dreaming of people succeeding in killing me... which I've dreamt my whole life. Weird hey? I've seen myself die in my dreams numerous times and in numerous ways. Stabbings, suffocating, drowning (which seemed the most peaceful) and shot to death. But here I am, still kickin'!

And here I am at almost 32 weeks:

(and that's my darling Ling Ling strolling by).

All for now.

s.

Can't believe it's been almost a week since I've blogged. I'm up all night for crying out loud, I could simply pick up my laptop and type away... but Leno gets the best of me.

Speaking of being up all night:

3rd trimester is somewhat like 1st trimester. I'm not sleeping well. I can't really get comfortable. And constipation is back (kind of). I'm really really picky with food. I don't have much of an appetite. I'm hungry, I just don't want to eat anything. Nothing is appetizing to me, is what I'm trying to say. Thank God there's leftover potato salad from my AWESOME baby shower... that's gotten me through yesterday and today. Oh, and crazy, vivid, lucid dreams are back. YAY! I love my dreams.

Had my monthly check up today. Monthly's are no more... for December it's every two weeks, then in January it's every week until due date. I've booked one for after as well, just in case I'm overdue. I don't think I will be, but we'll see.

Care to make it interesting? ;)

My regular doctor is on vacay so I had a sub. She was lovely, very animated. Didn't bother asking my pile of questions, will wait for my doc to be back. It's only another two weeks. I can wait that long to get the low-down on birthing pool (just asking...not sure yet...) vs. regular and epidural risks and all the other questions I have written down.

The little guy is head-down to my right, bum to the left of my bellybutton (which is ALMOST fully an outie now!) and his legs up by my right ribs somewhere.

Makes him seem bigger than what the Internet tells you. Which I'll find out tomorrow as I'll hit the 31 week mark!

All for now. Baby shower pics coming soon. And maybe belly shots, just have to remember to take one!

s.

Woke up this morning feeling incredibly creative. I think it's because of my wonky dreams. (Or it's because I'm creating something incredible in my belly...)

But seriously. The dreams? NUTS. 3rd trimester dreams are as crazy and vivid, and sometimes as terrifying, as 1st trimester dreams. INSANE.

And Donald is going through it too.

A few nights ago I was dreaming that a ghost was talking to me. It was whispering in my ear (didn't say anything very exciting. Just, "Boo".) Anyway, as this ghost was whispering I started to shoo it away by punching it in the face.

Well guess what? I was actually punching my husband in the face! I woke up by feeling my hand punching him in the cheek and jaw. And he woke up wondering why the hell his wife was beating him up in his sleep!

BUT, he was really glad I was hitting him because it got him out of a dream where we were driving down a road, him in the driver's seat, me in the passenger seat, and two men on the side of the road starting shooting at me.

Turns out, his face was by my ear and his breathing changed so drastically when someone was shooting at me that it manifested in my dream, at that very moment, as a ghost whispering in my ear.

Bizarre.

Sympathetic husband syndrome? Or serious dream connection. Either way, this is exactly the kind of thing that's happening in the 3rd trimester.

Wonky as hell, but fantastic. I love this stuff, I love how the body works, how nature works. How things happen just as intended. How the body is a map. How it just knows what to do.

How when my unborn child is kicking and poking inside me and I calmly say his name and that I love him and put my hand over the place he's kicking, he automatically calms down.

In utero.

He's learning about his mom. In utero. So imagine what he's learning when my heart rate increases or my blood pressure rises when I'm (unnecessarily) angry (or stressed or afraid).

I love the mystery of it all. And I'm glad it's a mystery and I hope some things in life always remain a mystery. It's beautiful.

S.

28 weeks today!

I thought I was already in the 3rd trimester, but apparently I'm just sliding into it now. Whatever. What's a number, really? I'll go by belly size. And since Ling Ling has just now taken a shining to sitting on it and resting her head between my boobs, I'll take it as a sign that the belly is now big enough to be granted "Third Trimester" status.

I'm tired. I'm really really tired. It hits me out of the blue and I have to nap RIGHT THEN. I really noticed it after Donald's b-day party Saturday night. Like I said, I could hardly move off the couch the next day until 7:30pm. It was awesome to let myself rest, but boring as hell. So I grabbed the laptop and started to create the baby registry. A bit of a small wish list, pretty straight forward (thermometers, nursing pads, Bumbo, yada yada) (Anyone have thoughts on the Bumbo? Is it worth it do ya think?) Researching monitors to add to it later today. Donald laughs and says that shopping is my form of nesting. Lord knows cleaning the house isn’t!
The little guy has been kicking like mad since Friday night. And moving around so much. His little butt sticks out beside my belly button and my stomach rolls like a beluga. It’s hilarous! When it gets more pronounced, I’m going to video it. Stay tuned for that one!

28 weeks. Here’s what’s up with him:

He’s 15.75 inches and over 2.5 lbs! That’s HUGE. No friggin’ wonder I can feel him down by my pelvis and then over to my side. Crazy. He’s growing eyelashes and if he has hair, it’s growing longer right now.

And the mom?

She’s shopping! I have an ongoing list of things to buy, and am set to do it over the Christmas holidays. I want to have everything ready (or as ready as I can be) by early January so I can just relax and enjoy the remaining weeks of having my little guy safely inside of me. As my friend Nicola told me after Ruby was born (it actually quite terrified me!)... to paraphrase: “To think you’re so worried for the 9 months of carrying your baby and want to keep her safe and do everything right.... and then you have her and she’s OUT and it’s total panic time.“

!!

I’ve got my list going of Things for Mom and Things for Baby. For mom it’s stuff like Lasinoh (by week 32!) and ingredients to make my own baby wipes (a January purchase), bath supplies for the little guy like gentle shampoos and wash (looking into natural stuff...), receiving blankies, face cloths, a couple of towels with cute hoods, socks for him, I have tonnes of clothes for him, but have to go through again to make sure I have enough of each, order the cloth diaper service, prepare my hospital bag... all that stuff. What fun! Nicola is a great source of reference for those things not to forget, and so is my friend Lexie. She’s fired off a list of things to me. Anyone want a copy, just email or leave a comment with your email address.

That’s about it for today... must get back to work. A couple of housekeeping items:

1. Great to see a bunch of you on Twitter now! It’s a fantastic way to briefly keep in touch and network with people world wide. I’ve gotten some great advice from people via their tweets and conversations, and I even landed a client on Twitter. It’s a fantastic social media tool.

2. I’ve changed the chat option from Gmail to Skype. Skype is by far superior. For all my friends and relatives at home in the Maritimes, I highly suggest you download it (it’s a free service) and we can keep in touch after the baby comes - by video call even! Or you can simply chat with me if it shows that I’m currently online. My skype name is Scratchpad1.

I’ll leave you with a picture of the birthday party on Saturday night. This is all the grandchildren with us, except for a few. Be warned, I take up half of the frame with my ever-widening belly....

I am exhausted.

Too exhausted to type almost!

Had a birthday party for my husband last night and today I am pooped. So I'm going to let myself be pooped and enjoy the couch for a few more hours. After all... I won't be doing any of that in about 3 months time.

Pictures of the party tomorrow.

s.

I'm dreadfully sick with a cold. Feel horrendous. Is it multiplied because I'm pregnant? Or are colds getting worse becuase I'm aging? Hey, last Christmas I was deathly ill with a cold, it was freaky. It was just a cold, but it knocked me out for three days.

Anyhoo, I'm sick. I have a cold. I can't think.

But a quick update: The D-Man and I have finally agreed on the circumcision dealio. It was Round 4 last night. He told me who he talked to, I told him who I talked to, then we both got on a computer and did some more research. I was visiting Dr. Pollock of Circumcision Vancouver (who, for some reason, kind of freaks me out. Reminds me of a hair-plug surgery website... scarey), and he was over visiting the folks of the Canadian Children's Rights Council.

On Dr. Pollock's website, it states that he gives them sugar-coated pacifiers to take their attention away. I voiced my concerns over this, and that "So he's trying to create an alternate reality for a newborn so he won't feel pain. A NEWBORN. CREATING AN ALTERNATE REALITY FOR A NEWBORN." Uh, hello???? Sybil, anyone? When Rabbit Howls anyone? (Ok, ok, that might be a bit extreme, but that's exactly where I went. I mean, it's just to take his attention away - and Donald does the same thing to get a bandaid off me.... but it still freaked me out). Anyway, as I was voicing my concern over this, Donald silently got up and walked into the kitchen.

"We're not circumsizing."

I was shocked silent. I mean, I thought we'd have a few more goes at this. What changed his mind was the information on the Canadian Children's Rights Council website.

So I didn't really know what to do at that moment. I saw the look on his face and my heart hurt. He looked almost defeated. I said to him, "I feel like I've taken a piece of you away."

His response?

"At least we won't be taking a piece of our son away."

So I knew he was ok and we had a good chuckle and actually chatted about it instead of butting heads. If only 13.9% of Canadian boys are now being circumsized (as of 2003), that tells me that our little guy isn't going to be the only one in the locker room with a different looking penis, so to speak.

Two battles over and done with: exclusive breastfeeding and circumcision. Next up, cloth diapers and vaccinations. Oh joy.

(I'm sad that simple conversations over these kind of things tend to turn into WWIII in our household. It always turns into a battle - one of us trying to "win". And that's sad because it's not about that, it's about trying to make the best choices for our baby until he can make his own choices. But we lose track of that most times. Perhaps bringing that into the consciousness will help to change things from here on out.)

All for now.
s.

3rd Trimester! Here we are. We've made it this far. Week 26. My god. Week 26!

(The cucumber pic is the only picture I could find that shows the relative size right now. Weird, I know.)

The little guy is still taking little breaths, even though it's amniotic fluid, it's still great practice for him. So he's a superhero to me now. I mean, did you ever try to breath liquid?

His little eyes are starting to open. HIS EYES ARE STARTING TO OPEN! He is in a growth spurt from here on out and his brain is developing at an intense rate - so nutrition is important right now. More grains and veggies! So much for the Ga Lei Bau and coconut bun (and caramel macchiato) I had for lunch. Hey, even mom has got to treat herself once in a while.

He might start jumping around more when he hears loud, unexpected noises because the nerve endings in his ears are still developing - so he responds to sound more consistently. And will from here on out. No pun intended (funnier when you say it outloud.) (or really not funny at all) (let me repost:) "....so he responds to sound more consistently. And will from here on out."

It's not even funny to me actually.

The placenta is equal in size to the little guy. Question - my placenta is in the front... if something happens that I have to have a c-section, will this be an issue?

And my belly button is now 1/2 and innie and 1/2 an outie. I'm having an identity crisis. My body is not my own. Weird things are happening. Werid spots showing up on my chest (that I thought was just sun damage - but it's getting worse and I'm covered up and not baking on the beach). No stretch marks though - still oiling up daily with the Escents aromatherapy stuff.

Rolling over at night is uncomfortable hilarious a production all on it's own. By the time I manage to get comfortable, I'm pretty much wide awake and have pissed off the cats and then Chicken starts to knaw on my foot and thinks it's Game On and "Oh yay, mummy's awake!" and Ling Ling just looks at me, turns her nose up and leaves the room.

At least I then have the bed to myself.

Until my husband rolls in around 3am, then it's a whole other production as I've got to get rid of my massive body pillow so he can have room too. ARGH.

***

The breastfeeding issue is no longer. Donald and I are on the same page and he's looking forward to all the other ways of bonding with the little guy. Circumsicion, on the other hand, is an ongoing issue - and I'm starting to rethink my decision based on what a few fathers have said, both circumsized and non-circumsized and who have circumsized their boys and some who haven't. It's been eye-opening, but it's not over yet! I still can't stand the thought of my child being cut. Of inducing trauma, knowingly. More research required...

And cloth diapers. Someone mentioned the other day that there is actually LESS diaper rash with disposables than with cloth because of the layering - that the pee is soaked into the diaper and away from baby's bum. Again, more research required. (It's not just about diaper rash, it's also about the environment but there you go.)

And another big one: vaccines. This is going to be difficult. Or perhaps not. I'm going to grab the Dr. Sears book and have a gander.

Also, your comments really help us to see through our fear of doing the wrong thing and our preconceptions, etc, so please continue to comment! Weigh in on the subjects - I love hearing from all of you. Makes me feel less alone in this journey. There's been a few lately that I have yet to respond to, but am going to in a few minutes, so feel free to browse through them for my replies.

Phew, this was a long one today.

S.