I've been having the weirdest dreams.

When I manage to sleep, that is.

They're like the first trimester dreams, only more about me and my personal safety. They're horrible. I know they are showing me my anxiety about labour and delivery, and I'm not taking them literally, but my God they're horrendous.

Dreaming of relatives dying (that are pregnant), dreaming of people trying to kill me, dreaming of people succeeding in killing me... which I've dreamt my whole life. Weird hey? I've seen myself die in my dreams numerous times and in numerous ways. Stabbings, suffocating, drowning (which seemed the most peaceful) and shot to death. But here I am, still kickin'!

And here I am at almost 32 weeks:

(and that's my darling Ling Ling strolling by).

All for now.

s.

That is how I feel these days. Big and clunky.

He's growing in there. He's getting really really big. It's weird, how's he's all stretched out yet totally cramped up and squished into this little place that is my uterus. I said to the D-Man, maybe he's like a mime trying to get out of a box. That's how it feels. Always knocking around in there.

I'm not able to sleep with Donald in the bed. How to I break it to him that I want him to sleep in the babies room or on the couch until the birth? There's simply not enough room in our bed for both of us! I'm only comfortable when I'm completely stretched out!

I'm getting pains in weird places. Pretty constant pressure on my pelvic area. Boobs are getting more veins. Belly too. Having back pain when I sit a certain way or stand for too long. Leg pain too. I want a leg massage every day! Last night at 2:30am while I was up wandering around, I asked Donald to give me a leg massage, "Just gently, like the cats are walking on me" (because that feels SO good but they only do it to get to where they're going...). Well, he did it a bit too roughly at first, and then nice and gently but it started to tickle. So much for that. Back to paying $85.00 for a massage (of which $80.00 is covered thank goodness).

When I'm laying down I feel like an 11 year-old girl who's going through a growth spurt. It's like I have growing pains! I just want to stretch out and stretch and stretch. And even when I do, it's not enough. That's a big part of why I can't sleep. That and the little guy is really active.

I really hope I never turn into one of those people who can't wait to "get this kid out of me". I love being pregnant. I love feeling him inside me. It's just the trying to sleep that's annoying. I'm going to miss my pregnant body after he's out! And I have a feeling sleep isn't going to get any better!

That's my rant for today.

All for now.

s.

31 weeks today!

This is what a 31 week baby looks like in utero. How cool is that, that today you can actually see what they look like. As much as I love the nature of things (and this nature of things...shout out to The Suze) and how nature has intent and, as I always say, the "wisdom of the body", I sure do love advances in science and in medicine. Fascinating stuff. Now, if there was a science to softening stool and getting a good nights' sleep....

So here we are. They say that he should slow down on his movements now that his real estate is shrinking, but my guy is getting MORE active. It's insane. He is just so active. And I have an anterior placenta for crying out loud, so imagine the impact if it wasn't in the way!

His body is continuing to fill out and his body, legs and arms are now proportional to his head. He weighs about 3.3 lbs and is 41 cm from head to toe.

My God.

I have a little person inside of me.

No bloody wonder I can't sleep.

Now that I've received all the gifts I'm going to receive (baby shower pics coming soon!), I'm going through everything for the final count of what I'm missing. For example, I totally forgot pants. If it was summertime it wouldn't be a big deal as he could relax in diapers and a diaper tee (have tonnes), but it's winter so he needs to be warm when he's hanging out with his mum! Counting the receiving blankets, sleepers, etc etc to make sure I'm on top of things. I could zip out and grab stuff (Zellers is close by!), but we're not taking him out of the house for a month, so I want to make sure I have everything (we're not doing all the stuff noted in that link, just not taking him out for a month and throwing the traditional party on the 30th day.) And it's helps me to feel more in control. So that's what the next week or so is about. Then it's hospital bag packing, again, to be prepared (and also to feel more in control!).

I'm getting nervous about the big day. Not the labour and delivery so much, just about the small details. What if I forget a little hat for him to come home in? What if Vancouver all of a sudden has a major snowstorm when I'm on my way to the hospital? What if I get stuck in rush hour (my biggest fear) traffic? The hospital is quite a drive without traffic for crying out loud! What if I'm not as strong as I think I am and need help with the delivery? We have all our prenatal and childcare classes coming up in a few weeks, so I'm sure some of my fears will be laid to rest afterwards, but I'm nervous about it all right now.

Here's the picture I'm bringing with me to the hospital to focus on, and, well, just to have her near. She was always the only one who could calm me down. Usually by showing me that the best thing to wash your worries away was a good roll in the grass.

All for now!

S.