Tuesday, September 30, 2008

E-patient Dave. Be nice to him. He's practically family.


I'm loving the concept of the empowered patient. Too often we're afraid to mention something to our caregivers in case we look silly, or stupid, or a bit of a hypochondriac, or demanding/crossing a line, or whathaveyou.

And when I say "we're afraid", I mean "I'm afraid".

Last summer, after my 2nd miscarriage, a friend of my mom's in PEI (a nurse) sent me a list of tests I could have done to rule out certain things. Such as, well, I don't actually remember the medical jargon, but there were karyotype things and STD things and protein things and hormonal things... and about 10 other things. I went to my OBGYN to discuss as I wanted to make sure I was ok, and there was nothing wrong with me that caused my baby to just die, out of the blue, and would cause future babies to just die, out of the blue. Please know, this was my 3rd week of carrying a dead baby inside of me (a bit blunt, perhaps, but I don't know how else to say it.) So I was an emotional mess to begin with and hardly in my body at all. In fact, I was so out of my body and felt so alone through all of this that I, to this day, remember nothing of what doctors told me in the weeks following the loss. I really wish someone had of come with me to the appointments to help me remember what was said to me.

But there I was, with this list to discuss with my OB from a kind, concerned soul on the other side of the country. Someone who didn't want to see me, or anyone I'm sure, go through this ever again.

I brought the list up with my doctor and she actually discouraged me from having some of the tests done. The blood work, yes, no problem, but there was one that she didn't want me to do for some reason. She said that here in BC it is only done after your 3rd loss. I do remember asking her why I couldn't have it done now, if it will rule out some genetic thing, or STD thing or whatever. I was especially shocked that for such a "progressive" province, I was coming up against this.

This is my body we're talking about. This could mean life or death of another baby. And she was trying to persuade me from having the test? Was it budget? (In Canada we've got a fantastic health care and don't have to pay for alot of things as do other countries). Or was it simply just a case of "we just don't do that test after two losses" and no real reason?

Anyhow, I didn't have my phone calls returned when I called her office to schedule this test. So I simply went to my GP and asked her what kind of test it was and could she do it.

Turned out it was just a swab. A friggin' pap smear. To test for an STD (can't remember which one). If I had of known that before going through with it, I could have ruled it out myself. I've never had an STD and I knew I didn't have one at that time either. Anyway, all tests came back clear. The bloodwork, the swabs, everything. And the genetic testing on the baby came back clear.

There was no reason, medically, why I lost the baby. So in a way, that gave me permission to go forward again without fear.

And here I am, 23 weeks into my pregnancy today, with a little boy who kicks up a storm when I laugh, is quiet when I cry, and lulls me to sleep at night with his movements.


Sunday, September 28, 2008

First, there was this picture:

Then there was this post:
Just for fun, let's have a caption contest for the picture above. The caption should relate to the current US financial crisis. Please submit your entries!

Then there was this comment:
Uh, er, failing to see the humor on this one. Poor people reduced to hauling their stuff/garbage around - or am I missing the obvious amusement factor? Kinda offensive, pal, to turn this into a New Yorker caption contest. Just one person's opinion, of course, as the rest of your readers seem to think this is funny???

Followed by this from the blog owner:
I think your comment itself makes judgments about this picture that are not accurate. This picture is from Africa and is a common sight there, as people move their possessions or goods for sale (not garbage!) from one place to another and tend to overload the vehicles because that is the best way for them to do so. In fact, they show great versatility and creativity in doing so in a way that keeps the load balanced and enables them to cross deserts and other rough terrain. You jumped to the conclusion that these are poor people. In fact, if you look closely at the goods being carried, it is by no means clear that they are.

In any event, I think the picture can appear humorous to those of us accustomed to a neater, more constrained form of transport, and it can certainly -- as seen in the comments here -- help us reflect in a humorous way on some of the more serious current events we are living through.

Finally, having personally seen and talked to people who have transported goods in this way, I can tell you that they, too, see the humor in the precarious-looking pattern of goods piled upon their vehicles -- while also taking pride in their own creativity and initiative.

So, I've got to say, he is my new hero. When the rest of us (or at least the firey, hot-tempered ones) would tell the anonymous commenter to back off (and in not such nice terms), Paul Levy replied with brilliance, intelligence, and from a place of knowing. I like smart people.

To me, he is now up there with the water buffalos in this video (trust me, watch the whole thing):

Thursday, September 25, 2008

A couple quick things that are going on these days:

My boobs are gorgeous. They're just gorgeous. I can't get over them. I've never known a size other than 34A and now that I'm in the B's I can't stop looking at them. Veins and all. I wore a shirt out and about yesterday (ok, so I wore more than a shirt) and when I was checking myself in the car mirror before dashing into a store, I realized for the first time in my life I HAVE CLEAVAGE! I was so excited that I let out a little hollar of joy, but it was kinda sad also because I had nobody there to hug.

And at yoga last night (with my favourite yoga teacher EVER), when we put one hand over the heart, and the other hand over the belly, I had to re-route the heart-hand as I couldn't just slap in on my chest like I used to. I had to kinda nestle it in there. I laughed to myself - actually I think I chuckled outloud - again, in sheer joy.

Seriously, the boob thing? It's huge for me. No pun intented.

Another thing I noticed, just last night. The D-Man and I were settled in on the couch watching Criminal Minds (the best season premiere of anything so far. BUT, it IS Thursday so I've got ER and Grey's to review yet.) (And I'll tape The Office.) (Anyway, where was I?????)

Oh yes, so Donald and I were sitting on the couch and I went to reach for my laptop, only to realize that I can no longer just bend up to get something. Bending down is a no-go as well. I have to kinda shimmy to one side and either push myself up, or shimmy to one side, hang on to something, and bend down. It's hilarious.


My little niece, Asia, is coming home from the hospital tonight (2 months premature), so I'm off to buy her something delightful.


Wednesday, September 24, 2008

Just got back from my first ever chiropractic adjustment. It was amazing. I left feeling more relaxed, limber, and, well, open I suppose, than I ever thought possible. Just amazing. And the baby loved it! The doctor was working on my ligament area (or something) and the little guy started kicking and moving around and so I told the doctor. He said, "it's because we're giving him more room now. He's getting more space in there." How delightful is that?! This doctor, Dr. Kevin Ehl, works with pregnant ladies, children, and I think animals. So he's very gentle, very respectful, very grounded. Was a great experience. Looking forward to my next visit. Check him out, and if you live in Vancouver or Lower Mainland, I highly suggest him. Just fantastic.

On another note, I was wondering where exactly my uterus is these days. I mean, where is it actually positioned in my body? The baby kicks down by my pelvis, and then the next millisecond, he's kicking up by my belly button, so just where is my uterus? Where is he in there?

Right here:

All for now, got a bunch of work to do to get ready to ship everything to Vegas in the morning.

Tuesday, September 23, 2008

22 weeks!

Babycentre mentions that I may notice an increase in my appetite (for sure) but to try to find healthy substitutes if what you're craving is junk food.

So I guess the cinnamon bun and frozen yogurt at Ikea on the weekend was a no-no.

Hey, at least it was frozen yogurt!

Funny thing happened with mom last week. We were in the car waiting for a contest on The Beat 94.5 (I was trying to win a 23K gas card and new car) when I couldn't find my cell phone. "Where'd my phone go?" I said outloud.

Mom looks at me and says, "It's under your belly."

That's the first time I couldn't see under my belly. I guess I've now passed that point! It was hilarious.

And something else that happened, and it's SO EXCITING...I got home from yoga last night and we were watching Heroes (couldn't follow it. So disappointing.) and the little guy was kicking like mad in there. Seriously, he was going to town. He's either going to be a boxer, or a dancer. Not to project here, I hope he's not either, but hell, he'll be what he'll be.

So we're sitting there on the couch and I've got my hand on my belly following his movements and I realize they are alot stronger than they have been. Like, really strong for something that's only a foot long and just shy of a pound. (Hmmm, sounds like his first halloween costume might just be a hotdog!)

So I pull up my jammie top and watch my belly.

And it moved! My belly totally popped! I could see him kick! It was awesome! (If not a bit bizarre.) I kept watching and feeling and it was just amazing.

It beat the hell out of the premiere of Heroes.

He weighs almost 1 lb and measures 11 inches from crown to heel. He's bigger than I thought. He looks like a newborn now. Which helps me to visualize him, and bond even more. He's my little guy and he now looks like a baby instead of an alien.

Although I'd still love him if he looked like an alien.

(Ok, maybe not so much)

His eyelids and eyebrows are formed. He can hear more clearly (hope he didn't catch onto the fight we had two nights ago about nursery furniture! But I think the people in the next city could have heard us. Yes, I'm a bit emotional these days.)

My ankles are swelling. Not hugely, but there's definite swelling goin' on. I noticed it at yoga last night. Hmmmm....Not good, not bad, it just is what it is.

Belly pics coming again soon.

Friday, September 19, 2008

I had this great biology teacher in grade 11 or 12. Can't remember her name, but she just LOVED biology. And her passion for the subject really got me to catch on. I listened, I learned. I loved biology too. (Fast forward 20 years and there's no way I can tell you anything about cross-breeding rabbits for different colours but it all made sense at the time).

And when she started teaching us the skeletal system? I was blown away. I loved it! Learning the bones, the muscles, the organs, everything. Just loved it.

Apparently, when she was in training, one of their class outings was to watch an autopsy. They all went into the VG in their crisp white lab coats and got settled in the morgue.

Fast forward to the end of the autopsy when only a handful of students were left (the rest were barfing in the bathroom or passed out in another room). She leaves the room and puts her hand in her pocket and what does she pull out?

Ewwwwww... a friggin' bellybutton! Somebody played a prank on her and put the belly button from the corpse in her pocket.

The point of this story?

You'd never get my belly button.

Because it's disappearing.

Almost before my eyes.

I guess what's happening is that it's slowly/quickly turning from an innie to an outie. Except it's just expanding so much that it's no longer a crater, but almost non-existent. I expect one of these days I'll wake up like that guy in Kyle XY who has no bellybutton.

Or I'll wake up and it'll be poking out of me.


I didn't think I was gaining that much weight so far in the pregnancy. Remember? Only gained 8 lbs as of September 2.

Then I saw this picture:

My boobs and belly look fantastic, but what's with the 700 chins? And is there a thing with teeth turning yellow during pregnancy? WTF?

And Jeff looks fab! We had such a great dinner, laughing and catching up. I was talking to the little guy (I can't wait until I can call him by his name, instead of "Little Guy" or "Little Baby Lee", or whatever) before I left to meet him for supper and was trying to explain the friendship we have but kept laughing my head off. Even when I made it to the restaurant, we just giggled and laughed our heads off for the first few minutes.

I do love him so.

And this one from last week, out on a harbour cruise with mom.

Holy Cow! I look massive. I look like friggin' godzilla next to mom!

Wow, I'm really getting up there.


Thursday, September 18, 2008

So my mom (one of my two readers) just emailed me and was concerned about my comments at the end of the last post. She thought they were rather harsh. The "Perosnally I'm not about to take on that responsibility" and so on. She wants me to censor it a bit.

So the gal chose not to write publicly, that's her perogative. Just because I choose the opposite and write very publicly, doesn't make either one of us better or worse. She wasn't writing for advice - who am I to give advice anyway? - she was just sharing her experience.

Hey, I'm not saving the world here, I'm not curing cancer, I'm sharing my opinion. In my own style. It doesn't have to be the same as yours.

I'm just a gal that's pregnant and writing about it.

Went to my first prenatal yoga class last night. It was delightful! And the best part was the instructor. Turns out, she's the sister of a close friend of mine. As soon as I saw that it was her teaching this class, I just knew that it would be the best and I signed up right away. She's so gentle and grounded and focused and full of love and LOVES BABIES, so I also knew that it wouldn't be strictly instructional with no feeling. And I was right!

She totally focused on the baby and our connection with our babies. I almost started to cry at one point when we were doing some breathing exercises to start and she said something along the lines of "feel your breath touching the baby, caressing the baby, feathering the baby". It was amazing. And she stressed the heart connection, and feeling our hearts in sync. It really set a beautiful tone for the rest of the evening.

Ok, so maybe that was the best part of the evening!

And it was a great workout! The little guy loved it. Looking forward to next week.

I start another class on Monday nights, closer to my home. It was the same one I took last year. Not as energetic unfortunately, but I'll get to meet more mom's-to-be and get a workout in, so I'm all good with that. Besides, it may be a different instructor. Who's to say?


A gal emailed me last night about circumcision. She didn't want to post a comment for fear that she'd make other mothers feel terrible about their decision. Personally, I'm not about to take on that sort of responsibility. If someone is going to feel terrible about a decision they made, that shows they weren't sold on it in the first place, or didn't do thorough research, or times have changed, or whatever. That's theirs to deal with, not mine...I've got enough to deal with, lol! If it was the right decision for them, whatever that decision was, then they won't feel horrible about it, because it was right. For them. And I applaud that. Her email did get me thinking about me though. I suppose, if one blogs for the world to see, they can't be too worried about pissing other people off (ie: my 3D ultrasound post) or creating a difference of opinion, or a bit of confrontation, or whathaveyou. And just to set the record straight... I'm not worried about pissing other people off. I don't want to hurt anybody's feelings, but I'm not worried about pissing people off. This blog isn't about anyone else but me and my pregnancy, and my journey. The opinions are mine. If you don't agree, that's fantastic! Send me a comment, let me know your viewpoint. It may very well be something that I'd like to know! A new piece of scientific information, or just a new piece of information for me. Something that I hadn't considered before. Send it along, please! Difference in opinion creates conversation. That's what creates movement and change in the world.

Good times.

All for now.

Tuesday, September 16, 2008

21 Weeks today! There's nothing really remarkable about his growth this week. Well, except the fact that he's a baby. And he's growing inside me.

So here's where he's at: he's about the size of a banana. Hopefully he doesn't have that expression on his face. But if I have one more piece of chocolate zucchini cake, he may very well have! Now I understand why my girlfriend had five pieces of cake at my wedding. It's not that it was that good really, it's just that it was cake.

I'm a full believer that cake should be it's own food group. That's the bonus of so many birthday's on my husbands side. Always a different cake (except alot of the time there's little pieces of fruit inside and I don't like my fruit mixed with anything. I like my fruit naked.)

Where was I?

I may start to feel his hiccups at any time, which I'm totally looking forward to. I love it when I feel him in there; it totally puts me at ease, knowing things are as they should be. He's swallowing amniotic fluid now, which apparently helps his digestive system mature. His intestines are beginning to contract and relax. His heart is growing stronger, his legs are getting longer.

I'm starting to get to know him, which is weird in a way, no? I guess what I mean is that I'm starting to get to know his sleep and wake cycles. And that brings me comfort as well. And makes me feel a stronger bond. It's like all of a sudden, instead of it being pure biology, pure science, there's a personable side to it. I can identify more with the person, than the "developing fetus" kind of thing. He sleeps and he wakes and he kicks and he's about to start to hiccup. He goes through the motion of crying. He feels. He hears. He loves Chopin.

I just love this.

And so it's a beautiful sunny day in Vancouver (28 degrees!). It is so nice to still be sleeping with the windows open and having that fresh air wake you in the morning. So thismorning I stripped the bed, washed it all, and now it's out on the line. I walked into my room earlier and this is what I found:

Chicken and Ling Ling built a little cat fort while I wasn't looking.

Yeah, whatevs.
All for now,

Monday, September 15, 2008

Donald felt the baby kick last night! I was checking email and listening to Chopin at about 1am and the little guy was just kicking up a storm. I put my hand on my belly and felt him for a while and just enjoyed (yes, at almost 21 weeks I can finally feel the kicks from the outside) and then I called out to Donald to ask him if he wanted to feel.

He hasn't really wanted to I don't think. Hasn't touched my belly at all. Not sure if it's a cultural thing, or if he just feels silly, or what (any Chinese men out there who care to comment? Or wives of Chinese men?). But not last night! He practically RAN into the bedroom and crawled in and put his hand on my belly and BAM, the little fella gave him a karate chop right in the centre of his palm! I was so happy he got to feel it, and just escatic that he was overjoyed with it all. He got a better feel and a better kick than I have so far!

Anyway, hopefully now he'll start to talk to him too. I know, I know, babies are resilient and will bond all the same, but wouldn't it be nice if the baby knew his father's voice in the delivery room?

Busy day today with Vegas stuff, lunch with my pregnant GF whom I'm SO excited to see! She's so busy that she hasn't had the time to see me since she told me she was pregnant too.... almost three months ago for crying out loud - and we're close to each other's place all the time! So today is a special day, I get to see my friend whom I miss terribly.

Then it's home for more packaging, transplanting some stuff in the yard tonight (if the D-Man gets home early enough) and then more research on strollers, cribs, circumcision (egads), vitamink K (still not sold on the idea), yada yada yada. Gotta find some maternity jammies at some point soon. I'm tired of wearing the same couple of teeshirts that are totally riding up my stomach. It's simply not warm enough, nor pretty enough, to look down and see my bare-belly staring back up at me! Well it is... just not with the ugly tee's I'm wearing! Feels like something out of a redneck comedty routine. No offense to rednceks....

(PS: the picture at the top of the post is a photoshopped image floating around the web.)

All for now.

Friday, September 12, 2008

My boobs are growing again!

I could end this post right now and feel terrific, but think I'll stick around for a few more minutes.

Still doing research on cord blood storage. My gf's husband found another place in Canada that stores it and fired off the link to me but I have yet to peek at it, I've been too busy researching eye ointment and why it's a must in BC (so I've found so far. Anyone know any different? I don't have an STD, I've been tested as part of the investigations after the last miscarriage. Leave a comment! Not on STD's, on eye ointment!), Vitamin K shots (which I'm accepting more after researching), blood tests, the moments after birth at BC Women's (which I'm happily impressed with so far except when they say "breastfeeding shortly after birth". What's "shortly after" to them? I want skin-on-skin before the cord is cut! Is it long enough to reach, I wonder?. And if it is, that's kinda creepy....). Just checkin' out all the newborn tests and procedures.

Anyhoo, alot going through my mind. I've started my list of questions for my next appointment.

Watched, "What Babies Want" last night with Donald. Fantastic documentary. Really eye-opening. Especially for Donald, I'm hoping.

The little guy is really kicking up a storm. I'm thinking you might be able to even feel him kick from the outside soon. They're getting stronger. He's active first thing in the morning and (mostly) in the evening. Especially around 10:30pm - he's just rockin' in there! He usually starts kicking when I play Chopin. Which leads me to believe he loves it, like his mom!

(or hates it)


Thursday, September 11, 2008

Something I've been thinking about is cord-blood storage. My girlfriend and I were chatting about it last night as she's considering it too.

What's to lose?


What's to gain?

Possibly everything.

She found a company here in Canada called Lifebank that stores it. And it's not expensive. Surprisingly, only $2,750.00. And for eighteen years at that. I haven't looked at this site at all, just passing along info but will look more into it as I go along. (When I opened the website and said what I was doing, the baby starting kicking up a storm! So I'm thinking that he's saying YES Mom, YES!)

There are a few doctors and scientists that read this site, anybody have any comments, suggestions, advice? Please leave a comment.

Off to a harbour tour and lunch with mom for the day.


Tuesday, September 9, 2008

Oh yeah! Forgot to mention the 20-week development info.

He is 6.5" and will weigh around 9oz by the end of this week. (I keep trying to imagine how he can be comfortable in there. And especially as he rolls around so much. He seems to travel great distances around my uterus! When I do feel the pokes, they're in different places, but usually on my left somewhere.)

He's covered with the white, fatty substance that you see on newborns, called vernix caseosa. Basically, it's to protect his skin as he's in the amniotic fluid for so long, and it also eases delivery.

Eases delivery.

Yeah, right. Nothing in this world can "ease delivery".

My belly is itchy. Alot of people start to notice the stretch marks around this time, but I haven't. I'm putting an oil on, from Escents Aromatherapy, every morning and evening and am hoping it will help. I guess if I'm itchy, I should put some more on.

Just found this pic: apparently THIS is how he fits in there:

All for now.


We made it to the half-way mark! 20 weeks today. (So then, is that 4.5 months or 5 months. So bizarre....).

Updates on our little guy:

I guess the "kicks" I've been feeling ARE kicks after all. They feel more like popcorn popping (or gas) (Excuse me), but from the research I've done online he's definitely kicking. And when I say, "kicks", I mean more along the lines of "pokes". Little pokes. The first time I felt it was the morning of the ultrasound, September 2, and then the next time was last Thursday at the in-laws. And he was very active that night. Only for a little bit, but I could feel it like a mini mini mini mini jackhammer against the inside of my belly for about 5 or 6 seconds. And then nothing. Only once every few days do I feel the little pokes. I'm not gonna freak though.

I'm not going to freak.

I'm not going to freak.

Just because other mom's I've been reading about say that once they start, it can be felt all the time... doesn't mean that my baby will be kicking up a storm constantly. So I'm not panicking when I don't feel him.

Not panicking whatsoever.

Not me.

It's sure nice to feel though.

Donald hasn't felt him; it's early in the morning when he's still sleeping or late at night when I'm getting settled into bed. I don't know if you can really feel it from the outside yet anyway, it's more like an "inside" feeling.

My DTCM is the first person to hold my belly and get down on her knees and speak to him. She did that thismorning. I almost started to cry! It was beautiful. I felt the vibration right down to my ankles - so much love coming from her directed right to my baby. It really was a spectacular moment. Weird, I know, that I was so affected by one of my doctors sending all that love to my child. Buy maybe that's exactly why I was so affected - because it was a doctor sending love, instead of a doctor sending results, or information, or procedural instructions, or whatever. Not Dr. Tanya. Just pure love.

And for the mom?

I'm tired in the afternoons. Still needing that quick nap every day and then I'm good to go. I am getting emotional - friends have told me that it would start soon. And it sure has. Out of the blue it strikes. Just started the other night when I went to bed, listening to Chopin and reading (an INCREDIBLE book: Water for Elephants).

But I'm embracing it. I'm loving it. Just loving everything that is going on with me and the baby. Dr. Tanya asked me how I was feeling and I said that I feel the absolute healthiest I've ever felt. Being pregnant, to me, just feels perfect. Really really healthy.

If it was a colour it would be green. If it was a place, it would be a lush, rich jungle. That's how good I'm feeling.

And this is how my belly is looking:

Before I sign off, everyone go over to http://www.robertslove.blogspot.com/ and say hi. She's following this blog. Treat her nice, she's a newlywed! (And her name is Stephanie too, so we love her!)


Sunday, September 7, 2008

Well, we did it! We agreed on a name for the little guy. And I LOVE it! I'm not half sold, I'm not, "well... I guess it's ok", I LOVE IT! Donald does too, I know. The thing is, we had to do some total negotiation last night over dinner at Stella's on Commercial. (And when I say, "negotiation" I mean the conversation went like this: "Stephanie, I want a Christian name in the mix somehow." "But darling, you haven't been to church since you married me." Donald looks at me and says, "Exactly".)
So, since he still wanted a "Jesus" name we agreed that if we named the baby, "X", he could pick a Christian name for his middle name. And his parents will pick the Chinese name. And we already know his last name, so we're all set!

Unless, of course, he totally comes out and is a different sort of name all together!


I bought a baby book a few weeks ago, it's just beautiful. Beautifully illustrated, beautiful poems throughout, I just fell in love with it. I updated it a bit this morning, but we don't know where Donald's parents were born nor do we know his grandparents names or where they were born, so we've got to take it over to the in-laws next week and get them to tell us.

This could be an issue.

First of all, we don't know anything about any of their births or hometowns because they don't have birth certificates. They just don't. They didn't get lost, they didn't get stolen, they weren't burnt in a fire.... they just simply don't record births. Maybe in present-day China they do (although there WAS that total scene with the fourteen (or whatever) year old gymnast during the Olympics...), but not up to 40 years ago. Donald's oldest sisters that were born in China don't even have a record of their birth. And Donald's dad's birthday keeps changing every year because he was born on the Chinese New Year, which is based on a lunar calendar and so it changes every year as well. (For the record, our baby is due on Chinese New Year too. Could be interesting.)

So that's ONE issue.

The other?

Superstition. Donald's mom won't tell any of the kids any information surrounding their birth, let alone the time of their birth, because she's afraid the evil spirits will find them and bring them harm. That's just their superstition, that's fine, I just hope we can have a record for the family tree, of her parents names and birth places.

That's it for today. We're heading out to Steveston to walk around the pier and do some shopping. Totally having Indian Summer today... it's supposed to get to over 26 degrees!


Saturday, September 6, 2008

My belly is officially big enough that food sits on it.

I had a ginger molasses cookie just now and looked down and realized my belly is totally covered in sugar and a couple of pretty big cookie crumbs.

I seem to have popped again.

Thursday, September 4, 2008

Belly Shot. 19 weeks, 2 days.

Wednesday, September 3, 2008

There's alot going on right now that's really heartbreaking and horrendous and sad beyond belief. But there's good stuff too. And so that's what I'm going to focus on; the baby!

It doesn't seem possible that the baby looks like this already.

Yet apparently, for 5.2 inches and 7 ounces, this is exactly how he looks. Hmmm... and to think (bad mother moment alert) when I first saw him on the ultrasound I almost jumped out of my skin because to me he looked like either, A) something out of a Japanese horror movie, or B) a turtle. And the sad thing is, I said this outloud. The ultrasound technician probably thought I was a psycho mother. Please tell me that someone else thought the same thing when they first saw their ultrasound? Someone? Anyone?

The tech wouldn't tell us the gender, "Your OB will tell you after week 20. In British Columbia they are not permitted to tell you the gender until after that time."

Wow. I didn't know it was LAW. I thought it was, um, preference or something. I know there are still so many baby girls aborted, even in Vancouver/Lower Mainland area, but I didn't think it was the law.

The baby was moving around like mad in there the whole time, but totally cooperated and the tech got all the pics and measurements he needed. I kind of panicked when he was measuring the heart and checking out the valves because he totally did it in Slo Mo and so I, of course, thought something wonky was happening with my baby's heart. But, no, all is well. He's got a great heart.

For a turtle.


I got emotional at one point when it dawned on me that there is so much action happening inside, I made a baby for pete's sake!, all this stuff going on, my little guy is growing and moving and hearing and functioning. And he came from two microscopic cells. (Or whatever the heck eggs and sperm are.... details, details.) It's amazing. And so I got a bit emotional. And had a moment. And then carried on in awe.

BC Women's has a nice set up, you get to see everything on a big screen, your husband comes in with you from the get-go (unlike Greig & Assoc where they make the husband/partner wait outside until they take the measurements and make sure there's a heartbeat), they talk you through it and let you know what you're seeing on the screen, what they're measuring, etc. Again, Greig's won't even show you the screen until they do their stuff. And hey peddle their 3D ultrasound packages to get your 200.00 (in my experience).

So yeah, I'm not a fan of Greig's. They, after all, told me my baby was dead in the middle of the hallway. I turned the corner and there was my dead baby on the screen in the MIDDLE OF THE HALLWAY. Same thing happened to my girlfriend when she had a missed miscarriage. The thing is, I didn't like the delivery of the news, I didn't like where they delivered the news, I didn't like that they told me without my husband being there, but I did like that I got to see my baby, even on a small screen, even not alive, at least that one time.

Hey, this was supposed to be a happy post...

So, off we went to lunch (note: having trouble using the washroom when in Vancouver? Go to Banana Leaf on Broadway and order the Singapore Laksa.) and then we headed off to the OB's.

All is well. My blood pressure is still low (90/50) but I have gained weight finally. Up to 130 now. Gained 8 lbs.

My ultrasound results didn't make it to her office by that time so we couldn't discuss the measurements and all that good stuff. But, my test results were in from the Integrated Serum testing. For Downs it was 1 in 20K, for Spina Bifida, 1 in 4470 and for Trisomy 18 it was 1 in 99K. So I was VERY relieved.

And so by now, with the blue background, you can tell we're having a boy. YAY! I asked my doctor if she'd tell us and she said she would, and that she'd call me when the ultrasound results reached her. At 4pm on the nose my cell phone rang with the fabulous news!

Belly pic coming tomorrow. For now I'm going to listen to the D-Man talk incessantly in my ear about Jesus names. He actually said Moses. (Which I secretly like).


Tuesday, September 2, 2008

Comments, anyone?

Week 19!

Here we are, week 19 and going for THE ultrasound in 10 minutes so I've got to make this quick.... felt the baby kick for the first time thismorning at 6:27am! At least I'm pretty sure it was a kick. I was wide awake for a few reasons: Donald got home at 3:15, which is early for the last day of the Fair and I got up with him and didn't get back to sleep until 7:45am thismorning and I got up at 8:00am to have a shower and have my morning before heading to BC Women's. And so here I am, exhausted and a little stressed about the morning ahead of us.

First ultrasound ever, last January ('07), found nothing. I had already started to miscarry at 5 weeks so there was nothing but an empty uterus staring back at me. Which I had dreamt about.

2nd ultrasound ever, last June ('07), showed a fetus, dancing up a storm with a strong heartbeat and measuring well, only to die a few days later. Which I also dreamt about.

So I'm not liking ultrasounds much. Just want to make sure the kick I felt thismorning wasn't all in my head. Good news? I haven't had a miscarriage dream this time around. Wish us luck!

And hey, there might be a different colour to this blog next time you read....hopefully they'll tell us in a few hours whether it's a boy or girl!


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