Saturday, August 16, 2008

I love the whole "it is what it is" concept, because really, it's just that.

It is what it is.

It's nothing other than what it is.

Do you see the vastness in that? Feel it? It's kinda cool. And really freeing. Ahhh, I love those moments when I realize just how small I am in the big picture.

Just how much bigger than me the universe is.

Take my belly for instance.

First, nobody believed I was showing as early as I was.

And now, nobody can believe I'm "as big" as I am for so early on.

I just thought I was normal for 16 weeks (and today, 4 days). Some people are bigger, some are smaller, I know that, but I just figured I was average.

And then in a matter of FIVE SECONDS today, this conversation happened while shopping:

Me, to clerk: Is everything in this store maternity, or do you also have non-maternity?
Clerk: It's all maternity. And then, Are you pregnant?
Me: Yes. I'm not fat. I'm pregnant, bitch. (ok, so there was no Bitch part.) (Ok, there WAS but it was in my head.) (Just for that remark I shopped for 35 minutes after closing and had her running from one end of the store to the other.)

And then the gal that was in the dressing room beside me says, "I can't believe she asked you that. If that was a few months ago, I would have clocked her!" And, "How far along are you?"

Me: Four months.
Girl: Me too. I'm 17 weeks. What are you?
Me: 16.
We both look at each other bellies and laughed our heads off. She's alot smaller than me. Like, I would have to really wonder if she was pregnant. I mean, you could tell, but it didn't look big enough that you'd have the balls to ask her. Like at the 10/11 week range, when you've got that spare tire happening and want to tell people that you're pregnant, not getting fat, and people are totally looking at you and wondering if you're pregnant or just putting on a couple of pounds.

Anyway, we had a scream in the store. At one point she walked into my dressing room by mistake and ended up buying 3 of the tops that I had in there but didn't like. So I went routing in her dressing room. It was hilarious.

What wasn't hilarious, however, was the amount of money I spent. I only went in for a pair of yoga pants ($24.95) and spent $144.00. But got such cute things!
Anyway, I'm way off track here. The point of all this rambling is "it is what it is."

There's no rhyme nor reason to pregancy and how you grow and develop. No two are the same. It just is what it is. I was angry when people didn't believe that I was showing early. I mean, I was really angry (why I just didn't take a picture and stick it on the blog, or email it to them, I don't know). "Oh, you can't be", they said. "That's impossible". (The "thinkers" of the world. The linear minds.)

It was such a waste of energy, to try to defend my pregnant self from their judgement. Who cares if they don't believe me. Who cares. My body is showing me something else. The universe is unveiling a mystery to me. And that mystery is, "It is what it is. No matter what you try to do about it, no matter how much you think about it and try to figure it out, it simply Is What it Is."
My boobs are another great example. I quickly dashed into a store for a new bra today, because I have totally outgrown mine (YIPPEEEEEE!!!!). I asked her to measure me and she told me I was a xxA.

"Uh, no, that's my normal size and I'm totally busting out and bulging over".
"Well, that's what the measurement said."
"Ok, let's do this. Find me one in my size and find me one in X size and Y size."
Well, turns out I'm size Y. No matter what the measuring tape said (thinkers), the body know better (feelers).

Cleavage doesn't lie.

As my friend Alix would say, "Some things are meant to remain a mystery." And she's right. Personally, I wouldn't want to know everything. Life wouldn't be nearly as exciting.
So I'll take my 16 week, 4 day belly, and I'll be happy with the size of it and the shape of it, knowing that it's me, it is what it is, and that the universe has bigger things working for me than the size of my belly.



Anonymous said...

The mystery is the best part, that, AND knowing everything :) N

Stephi said...


I don't want to know. I want to learn, and THEN know. Hindsight's 20/20, but still.... ;)

I say that now, but wait till I'm panicking during labour!!!! Perhaps I should read a couple of books afterall!

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