Sunday, January 18, 2009

So the s**t has hit the fan.

I've got to apologize to my mom. After my 2nd post about having quiet time with our newborn for a few weeks, she thought it meant that we didn't want her around our baby!

No No No, that's just so wrong. And when she expressed that to me in person, I could see how that post was totally misconstrued and how she could end up thinking it was about her. I mean, the word "family" WAS in there... I just didn't mean it as a target. How horrible. I just felt sick.

She's his Grandma! She's delightful company! My husband wants her to move in with us for crying out loud -and how many son-in-laws want that?! That just goes to show how much she's loved. And yet when I wrote about deciding not to have visitors for the first two weeks (or less, or more) she was totally embarrassed and humiliated and I imagine felt unloved and unwanted. And I felt embarrassed and humiliated that it came across that way to her. To my own mother. It was just awful.

And what did I go and do?

Blast her friends and her family - thinking that they were telling her we didn't want her around our baby. Calling them ignorant and they should be ashamed of themselves for putting that thought into my mom's head.

When it was me that did it, without even realizing it. I'm the one that is now feeling ignorant and ashamed. After all, I alienated her by not explaining in that post that Grandparents don't count because it's just assumed (by me) that they'll be around! That the door is always open (well... phone call first in case mom is topless in the living room feeding the little one and Dad is walking around in his undies!)

So I've got to apologize to her friends and her family for making them feel rotten. I love her family - they're mine too afterall! I love them all very very much. And she has great friends. I can't believe she left them to move 4000 miles away! They're a great bunch and she misses them desperately - all of them; friends and family. I know, I moved away from all of mine 12 years ago and I was miserable and homesick for the first three.

And I go and jump to conclusions and get totally irate for absolutely no reason. They weren't putting doubt into her brain... I was. And I was so wrapped up in my own issues that I didn't even see it.

I was over at mom's thismorning and we had a good cry and a good hug and talked it through and it's all good now. There was no way I was leaving her place until it was clear. Until we got through it. We both understand what the other meant and what the other was saying. We actually listened to each other. Especially me. I actually heard her for the first time in a long time. And actually listened to her for the first time in an even longer time.

So I'm sorry to her friends and family for totally ripping into them. So so sorry to you all.

It was undeserved and completely misplaced.


Gail said...

Thank you. This is the stephanie that I know and love.

alix said...

Everything under heaven happens for a reason. This painful lesson has served a good purpose and you and your Mom are closer for it.

Norma-ann at The Mommy Project said...

Ahhh--I'm sorry that you have had this stress so close to the end of your pregnancy. I totally knew what you meant and I think it has been clear throughout all your posts that you are just trying to do what is best for your new son. But, I'm glad things have been worked through now with all the folks around you and I'm glad you can now relax and, hopefully, get all those "stress hormones" out of your system. Your baby doesn't need those right now!

So-take care of yourself and relax. You only have days (maybe!) left!!

Anonymous said...

Hey - I guess when you're away from family that you end up not even knowing what's going on!! Glad I live away!!!!
And even more glad that you straightened this up without outside help. Good for you two.
Love and Kisses
Auntie Pat

Bea said...

Thanks Stephanie!! Waiting to hear on the birth day-all the best!! Bea

Anonymous said...

This is my favorite post of all!

Who links to me?