Week 5, Day 4.

Waking up thismorning:

"Feel my boobs, they're fantastic! They're growing! They're huge! Come on. Grab on."

*the husband cops a quick feel then rolls over*

"But you didn't feel! You didn't get the full experience!"

"That's because my hand couldn't fit all the way around."

How I love my husband. He knows JUST what to say!

Feeling shitty thismorning. I couldn't even finish my coffee. Not because I wanted to throw up, although I kinda do, but because I just didn't have the taste for it. That happened last time too, around the 6 or 7th week though, not this early. Totally lost my taste for coffee. Oh well, that's a good thing I suppose.

I'm going to attempt to work in the back yard today, weeding the vegetable garden and trying to fix a rose that looks near death (probably because there are weeds as tall as me all around it!). Right now, I'm just not feeling up to it, just don't feel well AT ALL. Maybe a cracker will help. Any tips on what to drink? Water makes my stomach worse.

All for now.
s.

Week 5, day 3.

Guilt is a bitch.

And unhealthy.

But it still comes.

I'm feeling like shit right now. Complete and utter shit. But I've got SO much to do for the business right now, so many things on my task-list to complete thisafternoon, but my stomach is rolling (more than the nausea this time) and I just want to lie down.

But I'm too busy to lie down! I'm preparing donations for three golf tournaments, an awards show, a spa night and a green business conference. I've got to send a "friends and family deal" email out to, well, friends and family (duh), in the name of social proof. I've got to do some keyword research and analytics on my web visitors. I'm writing an ebook, I'm creating a contest, I've got to switch around some services. ARGH! I've got too much to do to take a 1/2 hour rest and just "be".

I promised myself this time I would totally listen to my body and do what it's telling me instead of pushing myself like the other times. Instead of beating myself up when I needed to rest. Instead of getting mad at myself when I woke up at 8am only to need a nap again at 9:30am and SLEEP FOR SIX HOURS.

But I run my own business. I work out of my home. I'm in my lululemon pants. I can rest and simply pick up where I left off later. That's the glory of an internet-based business. The internet never sleeps. I can make my own hours. That's why I started this business. So to hell with the guilt! I have to remember, I have nothing to feel guilty about. I'm pregnant for crying out loud! It's delightful! (But, I will stop EVERYTHING when Battlestar Galactica comes on at 7pm tonight. I'm a closet sci-fi freak. Nanu Nanu.)

If I don't lie down, I'll feel like a bad mother for not looking after this little tiny embryo who's depending on me to survive.

Ah, there. Feel better now (the conscious, not the stomach). It's clear.

I'm hopping over to the couch. I think Chef-at-Home is about to come on, so that will be nice for a small respite.

All for now.
s.

5 weeks 2 days.

I'm tired.

And not because I'm pregnant. Just because I'm tired. It's 11:30pm and I've had a long day.

I'm trying to cram so much into every day because I know I'll get tired soon (you know, I'll be busy growing little arms and legs and organs and such). And I won't have the energy to do ANYTHING for six or seven weeks or so. So I'm trying to do it all now.

Like weeding the garden.

Ok, I'm not trying that hard.

The good news?

My boobs are growing.*

The bad news?

Backne. Yes, back acne. Ewwwwwww.

The fun news?

I feel like dancing whenever the radio is on. Especially to that guy, Ne-yo. Funny, but I was reading the paper thismorning at 7:30 and "Closer" came on the radio and I found myself dancing across the kitchen for a refill on the java. Good times.

All for now.

*note: not sure if boobs really growing, just really really sore. Thismorning I looked in the mirror and I thought, "Wow! They totally BALLOONED overnight!". But now? Not so sure.

5 weeks, 1 day.

Went to see Prince Caspian with Don last night.

I should have known better than to go to the late show. I can't stand the late show. I get too tired. We don't get out of there until after midnight (1am actually) (on a TUESDAY at that), and then by the time we get home and get washed up and put our jammies on and have our glass of metamucil, it's an hour later.

So I don't know if it's that I gave in and went to the late show... or that I'm pregnant and my hormones, even though I'm just a little bit pregnant, are going mad. Either way, I was CRANKY AS A BEAR. Poor Donald.

I mean CRAAAAAAAAAAAAANKY.

"Will you move your iced frappicino. It friggin' STINKS."

"Do you HAVE to keep swinging your friggin' foot like that? Geez."

Donald (before the movie was finished): "Can we go now? Can we go now?."
Stephanie: "THE MOVIE'S NOT FINISHED!!!!!"

(editor's note: there was only 3 seconds left in the movie)

"Stop talking to me. Just STOP TALKING TO ME!"


On a brighter note, the movie was fabulous.

S.

I'm pregnant!

Found out on May 20, exactly 4 weeks into it.

We had been trying for a few months, but I was still rather surprised as I wasn't sure it would happen.

Again.

Ever.

See, we usually get pregnant as soon as we decide to. So when this didn't take the FIRST TIME, I completely freaked out and thought something was wrong with my insides becuase of the prior (unsuccessful) pregnancies.

But no, two pink stripes showed up!

And I've got to say, Babycentre is onto something with their ovulation calculator. They have a 5 or 6 day spread, I'm sure to cover all basis, but it totally aligns with the ovulation kit we used. Except with the kit, it gave us a 48-hour timeframe to (directly from their collateral) "make love as often as you'd like".

So here we are. Pregnant again. And NOT putting a charge or fear on this one, instead, totally treating it as though it's the first pregnancy.

I had my doctor's appointment on the 22nd to confirm, and since I want to give birth at BC Women's, she automatically referred me to my OBGYN who looked after my D&C last July. My family doctor is in Burnaby and has no practice rights (or whatever they're called) at Women's, only at Burnaby General (and that place has a horrendous reputation). Anyway, I'm waiting for the appointment to see if she'll take me again, and see if I can deliver at Women's. (There are new rules now and they don't take anyone from outside of Vancouver. I'm pleading my case of being high risk because of my age and history of miscarriages, because really it's not about boundaries, it's about the health of my baby and me and a safe birth. Donald and I are prepared to move back into Vancouver if that's what it takes to get into BC Women's.)

So, symptoms?

• The cramping has pretty much stopped, just mild about once or twice a day now.


• I get dizzy in the shower and late morning.


• I get rather nauseous, anywhere from 1.5 hours a day to just a few minutes here and there during the day. Not wanting to throw up, just upset belly really. I have to stop and take a couple of deep breaths, that's all. FOR ONE AND A HALF HOURS. Yeah, that's all.


• I wake up at 4am each night. And not to pee. It's just that I'm finished sleeping. Weird. So I get up and watch the shopping network (just bought the FABULOUS H2O mop! It rocks!).


• I'm constipated. Metamucil is my friend. And it's helping.


• Really Really Really sore boobs. Growing? Hmmm... maybe a bit.


• Not really hungry, not much of an appetite.

Today is week 5. The embryo is the size of an apple seed and it's heart is the size of a poppyseed.

No comment. Discuss amongst yourselves. Ok... one comment... it made more sense when it looked like just a pile of cells gathered together to chat over coffee, leaning against the wall of my uterous. This? Doesn't even look like a tadpole.

I'm 123.2 lbs (that's the highest weight I've ever been. I wish I could say it's the pregnancy but it's just fat).

All for now.
S.