That is how I feel these days. Big and clunky.

He's growing in there. He's getting really really big. It's weird, how's he's all stretched out yet totally cramped up and squished into this little place that is my uterus. I said to the D-Man, maybe he's like a mime trying to get out of a box. That's how it feels. Always knocking around in there.

I'm not able to sleep with Donald in the bed. How to I break it to him that I want him to sleep in the babies room or on the couch until the birth? There's simply not enough room in our bed for both of us! I'm only comfortable when I'm completely stretched out!

I'm getting pains in weird places. Pretty constant pressure on my pelvic area. Boobs are getting more veins. Belly too. Having back pain when I sit a certain way or stand for too long. Leg pain too. I want a leg massage every day! Last night at 2:30am while I was up wandering around, I asked Donald to give me a leg massage, "Just gently, like the cats are walking on me" (because that feels SO good but they only do it to get to where they're going...). Well, he did it a bit too roughly at first, and then nice and gently but it started to tickle. So much for that. Back to paying $85.00 for a massage (of which $80.00 is covered thank goodness).

When I'm laying down I feel like an 11 year-old girl who's going through a growth spurt. It's like I have growing pains! I just want to stretch out and stretch and stretch. And even when I do, it's not enough. That's a big part of why I can't sleep. That and the little guy is really active.

I really hope I never turn into one of those people who can't wait to "get this kid out of me". I love being pregnant. I love feeling him inside me. It's just the trying to sleep that's annoying. I'm going to miss my pregnant body after he's out! And I have a feeling sleep isn't going to get any better!

That's my rant for today.

All for now.

s.

Anyone have any insight on cord blood banking? We'd like to hear from parents who decided to and why, and those who decided NOT to and why.

Also, to all the medical professionals... is there any evidence that you know of where 1/2 Caucasian, 1/2 Asian children are prone to any sort of disease that may require cord blood? I have no idea about this, nor any idea where to start researching. Might as well start here!

Feel free to leave a comment.

Thanks.

31 weeks today!

This is what a 31 week baby looks like in utero. How cool is that, that today you can actually see what they look like. As much as I love the nature of things (and this nature of things...shout out to The Suze) and how nature has intent and, as I always say, the "wisdom of the body", I sure do love advances in science and in medicine. Fascinating stuff. Now, if there was a science to softening stool and getting a good nights' sleep....

So here we are. They say that he should slow down on his movements now that his real estate is shrinking, but my guy is getting MORE active. It's insane. He is just so active. And I have an anterior placenta for crying out loud, so imagine the impact if it wasn't in the way!

His body is continuing to fill out and his body, legs and arms are now proportional to his head. He weighs about 3.3 lbs and is 41 cm from head to toe.

My God.

I have a little person inside of me.

No bloody wonder I can't sleep.

Now that I've received all the gifts I'm going to receive (baby shower pics coming soon!), I'm going through everything for the final count of what I'm missing. For example, I totally forgot pants. If it was summertime it wouldn't be a big deal as he could relax in diapers and a diaper tee (have tonnes), but it's winter so he needs to be warm when he's hanging out with his mum! Counting the receiving blankets, sleepers, etc etc to make sure I'm on top of things. I could zip out and grab stuff (Zellers is close by!), but we're not taking him out of the house for a month, so I want to make sure I have everything (we're not doing all the stuff noted in that link, just not taking him out for a month and throwing the traditional party on the 30th day.) And it's helps me to feel more in control. So that's what the next week or so is about. Then it's hospital bag packing, again, to be prepared (and also to feel more in control!).

I'm getting nervous about the big day. Not the labour and delivery so much, just about the small details. What if I forget a little hat for him to come home in? What if Vancouver all of a sudden has a major snowstorm when I'm on my way to the hospital? What if I get stuck in rush hour (my biggest fear) traffic? The hospital is quite a drive without traffic for crying out loud! What if I'm not as strong as I think I am and need help with the delivery? We have all our prenatal and childcare classes coming up in a few weeks, so I'm sure some of my fears will be laid to rest afterwards, but I'm nervous about it all right now.

Here's the picture I'm bringing with me to the hospital to focus on, and, well, just to have her near. She was always the only one who could calm me down. Usually by showing me that the best thing to wash your worries away was a good roll in the grass.

All for now!

S.

Can't believe it's been almost a week since I've blogged. I'm up all night for crying out loud, I could simply pick up my laptop and type away... but Leno gets the best of me.

Speaking of being up all night:

3rd trimester is somewhat like 1st trimester. I'm not sleeping well. I can't really get comfortable. And constipation is back (kind of). I'm really really picky with food. I don't have much of an appetite. I'm hungry, I just don't want to eat anything. Nothing is appetizing to me, is what I'm trying to say. Thank God there's leftover potato salad from my AWESOME baby shower... that's gotten me through yesterday and today. Oh, and crazy, vivid, lucid dreams are back. YAY! I love my dreams.

Had my monthly check up today. Monthly's are no more... for December it's every two weeks, then in January it's every week until due date. I've booked one for after as well, just in case I'm overdue. I don't think I will be, but we'll see.

Care to make it interesting? ;)

My regular doctor is on vacay so I had a sub. She was lovely, very animated. Didn't bother asking my pile of questions, will wait for my doc to be back. It's only another two weeks. I can wait that long to get the low-down on birthing pool (just asking...not sure yet...) vs. regular and epidural risks and all the other questions I have written down.

The little guy is head-down to my right, bum to the left of my bellybutton (which is ALMOST fully an outie now!) and his legs up by my right ribs somewhere.

Makes him seem bigger than what the Internet tells you. Which I'll find out tomorrow as I'll hit the 31 week mark!

All for now. Baby shower pics coming soon. And maybe belly shots, just have to remember to take one!

s.

I find this a bit condescending.

It could have been funny, but it's just all wrong.

So here's a glimpse of what thirty weeks looks like.

Out of bed around 8am. IF I slept the night before.

Wanting to nap again at, oh, I don't know, 10:30 or so. But plugging along at least until 2 or 3pm. THEN, letting myself have a 20 minute snooze.

Working a bit more, preparing supper or waiting for my husband to get home to prepare supper.

Tired, EXHAUSTED, again around 8pm. Wash up for bed around 10:30pm. WIDE AWAKE UNTIL 1AM. Then awake again around 4 or 5am. Fall back to sleep between 6 and 7am, then the day starts over.

Mixed in among this is pure joy. Feeling him becoming even more active even though he's losing major real estate. Getting overjoyed and overcome with emotion - knowing that he's going to be here soon. (The panic of that as well.) Projecting my nervousness onto objects (ie: stroller search), unconsciously taking my mind away from the fact that my life is about to change in such a huge way that I have ZERO control over.

And loving that more than fearing that.

So, that's where I'm at, at 30 weeks. And here's where I'm supposed to be physically:

Apparently I should have gained about 3-4 lbs. Not sure, my appointment is next week, but I've definitely gained a bit. Feels good. Feels healthy.

Haven't felt the Braxton Hicks. I don't think. Well, there was that one day where I felt kind of seized up for a bit so that may have been it. But hasn't happened since, so who's to say?

And here's what's happening with baby:

He's gaining weight fast now (and yet I'm the one getting the fat ass). His lungs and digestive tract are pretty much fully developed. He's been opening and closing his eyes for a while now (I wonder what my insides look like?).

And here's what a baby looks like at 30 weeks: (umbilical cord wrapped around his ankle):

All for now.

s.

I only have 10 weeks to go.

TEN WEEKS.

So much to do. The panic has just set it. It's 11:45pm and I've just asked my husband to dismantle the blinds in the baby's room and steam clean the glider.

NOW.

And so he is! While I lay in bed relaxing and eating bon bons blogging and watching Letterman and feeling the little monkey motor around in there (and wishing I could sleep).

Thirty weeks today.

Ten more to go.

$*!@

S.

Do you know how hard it is to design a nursery?

Harder than picking out a stroller.

And I bet harder than labour and delivery.

(Ok, that might be stretching it... I'll let you know at the end of January!)

If I had of just stuck to my original plan of green & brown, it would be done by now. But no, we had to go and change our mind on the furniture. Ok, the price changed our minds more than we did... but still... we're going with a completely new crib and dresser. Lighter in colour now than the last so that completely changes the colour palette. Completely. The greens and browns will no longer work. We're keeping the trim white. And might be keeping the original wall colour (called Candlewax. It's pretty much a light yellow). Our hardwood floor is a lighter wood too, not a dark one, so that affects it as well. Basically, I can't find anything to go with it. I don't want light blues and light greens. I don't want boring. I want something with a bit of kick to it. Some bright accents at least. AND NO MURALS OR DECALS OR BORDERS.

Mom says the baby won't care what the colours are, but that doesn't matter to me. It's our first and we are having fun with it. So let us fret about the nursery colours and design. It's the annoying fun part.

I think I'll go back through the pictures I saved last night when I was up until 1:00AM GOOGLING NURSERY PICTURES to get an idea of what I like, then hit Ikea for fun fabric ideas and take it from there. I know it'll be right in front of me one day soon, and I'll magically see all the colours I like thrown together beatuifully, but I want it to happen today.

Is that asking too much? Really?

Do you think a splash of navy blue is too old for a newborn? I need a grounding colour, a darker colour.

That goes with yellow.

Argh.

So, yesterday's brief post about ballet got me thinking about something.

I'm not afraid of childbirth. Nor labour.

And I can't believe that.

I hate pain. I'm terrified when I think things are going to hurt. And from what I understand, childbirth HURTS!

So why am I not afraid? I don't get it. Am I out of my body? Am I not feeling?

Nope.

It simply will be what it will be. It is what it is.

I'm a woman. My body was made for this. There's wisdom in the body that far outweighs the wisdom of thinking. And I trust my body.

And I trust the baby. They know what to do. They know how to get out. And if they're stuck, that's where the doctor's come in. And they know what they're doing. They know how to help mom and baby. (My birth plan starts with, SAFETY FIRST.)

And I trust nature. It knows what it's doing. Nature is nature.

It is what it is.

Simple as that.

S.

You know what?

He might be a dancer afterall! In fact, all babies have the potential to be dancers.

I'm currently reading, well, five different books, but the one that gets most of my attention is "The Mind of your Newborn Baby". It was talking about how at around six months in utero the baby starts to do a certain sort of ballet in there. He changes position in such a way that gets him ready for birth. It's a mirror of how babies are actually born. How they actually come down the birth canal.

How cool is that?

They know what to do.

Thank god.

'Cause I have NO idea!

:)

S.

Saw @haribhajan post a link about letting go of the past on Twitter yesterday and it got me thinking. Really, really thinking.

I threw out all my stuffed animals from when I was little.

Not too long ago either.

I've recently searched high and low throughout my house for that magical box of childhood friends. But it's gone.

Did I really donate them? Did I really bundle up the box and drive them out of my life? Didn't I even save ONE? The little mouse that my grandmother gave me? The little yellow dog that my mother's friend gave me? The monkey with the button eyes?

I was so upset to realize that I had gotten rid of them. Only to remember why, just thismorning.

I wanted to create my own traditions. My own history. Starting now. Starting right now, with this little guy growing inside me. I want him to have his own memories. His own toys. His own little stuffed friends. His own gift from his own grandmother.

Not mine.

Those were my friends when I was little. They were my only company somedays, and my only friends most days. They served me well 30 years ago when I needed them. They don't serve me anymore. Perhaps they'll be a great friend to a young person somewhere else now. And that gives me comfort.

I've wanted to have a clean slate for a long long time. Moving 4000 miles away from my hometown started that process. Letting go of friendships that didn't serve me anymore - whether flesh & blood, or stuffed with foam - took me a long way towards that goal. Getting married and buying a house helped it along tenfold.

And this pregnancy is a magical piece of it.

I get to meet this little guy who doesn't know my history. Who has no judgement. Who loves me just for being me. For being his mom.

Now that's a clean slate. That's letting go of the past.

That's an opportunity that will never come along again.

S.

So this is the stroller we've registered for:




And this is the one I'm looking at instead:



Specific questions I'd love it if any of you could answer for me in the comments:

• is the Mosaic (2nd one) easy to fit into trunk/compact/light in weight?
• any of you wish you had of had a food tray on your stroller instead of just an arm bar?

Thanks!

Week 29!

Just got my email update from Pregnancy Weekly.

The first sentence?

"This is a good time to learn how to power nap during the day."

!!!!!

Trust me, if there's one thing I definitely got right with this pregnancy, it's power napping. 15-20 minutes and I'm all good.

So where are we at week 29? He's about 2.5 lbs and 15.5" from head to toe. That's the same as last week. I thought this was a massive weight-gain and growth period? I guess I should only take my information from one source to keep it consistent...

He's really active. Kicks up a storm. Just lovin' it. Paul, over at Running a Hospital, left a comment yesterday wondering if I've tried playing different types of music for him to see how he reacts. I hadn't, but started to thismorning. Right now we're listening to a cd called "Lullababy". He's not kicking as much as when I play Chopin, but we'll see. I'll try different kinds and see what he likes when he's here with us, on the outside. I won't play any heavy rock or metal though... no offense to folks who dig that, but to me it's painful to listen to, so why would I subject my son to it? If he likes it when he's older, good enough, but until then? No go.

For right now, we're adding to the registry, building the hospital bag and birth plan lists, getting the nursery ready, contacting the cord blood people and cloth diaper services for more information... the list goes on. It's all coming together. I just have to make sure I schedule enough time in my day to really focus on what needs to be done and get my act together!

Stood up to get a cup of tea thismorning and had some serious stomach pains. Don't know what it was, but it passed in a matter of minutes (with me walking around my house rubbing my belly and really nervous), and he's kicking again now, so all must be well.

He requires more nutrition than ever from now on, so I've got to make sure I eat and eat well. I have been more hungry, and more often lately, so I'll pay attention to that but make sure I grab a healthy snack instead of a snack that just happens to be close. The halloween treats are all gone now, so no more Kit Kats for Stephi!

All for now. Might be time for one of those power naps! Yawn....

Woke up this morning feeling incredibly creative. I think it's because of my wonky dreams. (Or it's because I'm creating something incredible in my belly...)

But seriously. The dreams? NUTS. 3rd trimester dreams are as crazy and vivid, and sometimes as terrifying, as 1st trimester dreams. INSANE.

And Donald is going through it too.

A few nights ago I was dreaming that a ghost was talking to me. It was whispering in my ear (didn't say anything very exciting. Just, "Boo".) Anyway, as this ghost was whispering I started to shoo it away by punching it in the face.

Well guess what? I was actually punching my husband in the face! I woke up by feeling my hand punching him in the cheek and jaw. And he woke up wondering why the hell his wife was beating him up in his sleep!

BUT, he was really glad I was hitting him because it got him out of a dream where we were driving down a road, him in the driver's seat, me in the passenger seat, and two men on the side of the road starting shooting at me.

Turns out, his face was by my ear and his breathing changed so drastically when someone was shooting at me that it manifested in my dream, at that very moment, as a ghost whispering in my ear.

Bizarre.

Sympathetic husband syndrome? Or serious dream connection. Either way, this is exactly the kind of thing that's happening in the 3rd trimester.

Wonky as hell, but fantastic. I love this stuff, I love how the body works, how nature works. How things happen just as intended. How the body is a map. How it just knows what to do.

How when my unborn child is kicking and poking inside me and I calmly say his name and that I love him and put my hand over the place he's kicking, he automatically calms down.

In utero.

He's learning about his mom. In utero. So imagine what he's learning when my heart rate increases or my blood pressure rises when I'm (unnecessarily) angry (or stressed or afraid).

I love the mystery of it all. And I'm glad it's a mystery and I hope some things in life always remain a mystery. It's beautiful.

S.

I'm a dork.

You know that line on the belly that alot of pregnant women get? Yeah, that one? Well, I didn't get it. Nope, I don't have it. Didn't show up on me.

Only it did. I do have it. It's right there, above and below my belly button (which is still 3/4 an outie), right where it's supposed to be. Only for the past 2-3 months, I thought it was a seam mark. A seam from my underwear or pants. A seam from my shirt.

Only my underwear and pants CAN'T REACH MY BELLY BUTTON. My belly is too big now for anything to wrap around it. Nothing, no sort of clothes, can make it that far up my belly. So why the hell I didn't realize this earlier is beyond me. I'm such a spaz. So there you have it. Or there I have it. The linea negra. Only a bit lighter in colour that most.

So here I am in my 3rd trimester. First trimester I was craving fruit and McDonald's. Second trimester I was craving fruit and Starbucks. And in the third trimester? Not much so far. Solid, deep sleep would be nice. Being able to put my own socks on would be nice. Towel drying my hair without almost falling over would be nice. As would brushing my teeth without losing balance (I never was one of those people who can brush their teeth standing up straight. All that toothpaste runs out of your mouth and down your arm. And when I say "your", I mean "my".).

And when is Flipping Out coming back on (in Canada)? I need my dose.

All for now. Gotta go make my list of things to go in the hospital bag and also fret over the stroller decision I made.

s.

BC Women's Hospital is officially "baby-friendly"!

Here's a brief synapsis of the World Health Organization's initiative for Baby Friendly designation.

I'm thrilled!

I had relaxed a bit after the last doctor's appointment and chatting with my OB about what I want and don't want for my baby at birth/following birth. She was right there with me. She didn't fight me on anything I wanted. It was a non-issue. She was supportive. And here I was panicking for months because other women had told me that hospitals are difficult to deal with and they/the nurses/the doctors might fight me when it comes to ie: eye ointment, breastfeeding, etc etc, but not at all! And now, knowing that BC Women's is officially designated as Baby-Friendly, I can completely relax in knowing I'll be supported in breastfeeding (among other things) during my stay at the hospital.

Phew.

I am in LOVE with this concept! The perfect way to get over writer's block. The perfect way to just start writing!

The One Minute Writer

All for now.

28 weeks today!

I thought I was already in the 3rd trimester, but apparently I'm just sliding into it now. Whatever. What's a number, really? I'll go by belly size. And since Ling Ling has just now taken a shining to sitting on it and resting her head between my boobs, I'll take it as a sign that the belly is now big enough to be granted "Third Trimester" status.

I'm tired. I'm really really tired. It hits me out of the blue and I have to nap RIGHT THEN. I really noticed it after Donald's b-day party Saturday night. Like I said, I could hardly move off the couch the next day until 7:30pm. It was awesome to let myself rest, but boring as hell. So I grabbed the laptop and started to create the baby registry. A bit of a small wish list, pretty straight forward (thermometers, nursing pads, Bumbo, yada yada) (Anyone have thoughts on the Bumbo? Is it worth it do ya think?) Researching monitors to add to it later today. Donald laughs and says that shopping is my form of nesting. Lord knows cleaning the house isn’t!
The little guy has been kicking like mad since Friday night. And moving around so much. His little butt sticks out beside my belly button and my stomach rolls like a beluga. It’s hilarous! When it gets more pronounced, I’m going to video it. Stay tuned for that one!

28 weeks. Here’s what’s up with him:

He’s 15.75 inches and over 2.5 lbs! That’s HUGE. No friggin’ wonder I can feel him down by my pelvis and then over to my side. Crazy. He’s growing eyelashes and if he has hair, it’s growing longer right now.

And the mom?

She’s shopping! I have an ongoing list of things to buy, and am set to do it over the Christmas holidays. I want to have everything ready (or as ready as I can be) by early January so I can just relax and enjoy the remaining weeks of having my little guy safely inside of me. As my friend Nicola told me after Ruby was born (it actually quite terrified me!)... to paraphrase: “To think you’re so worried for the 9 months of carrying your baby and want to keep her safe and do everything right.... and then you have her and she’s OUT and it’s total panic time.“

!!

I’ve got my list going of Things for Mom and Things for Baby. For mom it’s stuff like Lasinoh (by week 32!) and ingredients to make my own baby wipes (a January purchase), bath supplies for the little guy like gentle shampoos and wash (looking into natural stuff...), receiving blankies, face cloths, a couple of towels with cute hoods, socks for him, I have tonnes of clothes for him, but have to go through again to make sure I have enough of each, order the cloth diaper service, prepare my hospital bag... all that stuff. What fun! Nicola is a great source of reference for those things not to forget, and so is my friend Lexie. She’s fired off a list of things to me. Anyone want a copy, just email or leave a comment with your email address.

That’s about it for today... must get back to work. A couple of housekeeping items:

1. Great to see a bunch of you on Twitter now! It’s a fantastic way to briefly keep in touch and network with people world wide. I’ve gotten some great advice from people via their tweets and conversations, and I even landed a client on Twitter. It’s a fantastic social media tool.

2. I’ve changed the chat option from Gmail to Skype. Skype is by far superior. For all my friends and relatives at home in the Maritimes, I highly suggest you download it (it’s a free service) and we can keep in touch after the baby comes - by video call even! Or you can simply chat with me if it shows that I’m currently online. My skype name is Scratchpad1.

I’ll leave you with a picture of the birthday party on Saturday night. This is all the grandchildren with us, except for a few. Be warned, I take up half of the frame with my ever-widening belly....

I am exhausted.

Too exhausted to type almost!

Had a birthday party for my husband last night and today I am pooped. So I'm going to let myself be pooped and enjoy the couch for a few more hours. After all... I won't be doing any of that in about 3 months time.

Pictures of the party tomorrow.

s.