So just imagine that 24 hours out of TWENTY-FOUR HOURS it feels as though you are being cut by a few HUNDRED razor blades on your NIPPLES.

That's what I'm going through.

It hurts so much I'm walking around crying. EVEN WHEN I'M NOT BREASTFEEDING.

So I'm hunkered down for a few days, hiding from everyone, probably not going to answer the phone or check email or blog. Too Much Pain.

Went to BC Women's again thismorning to the lactation consultant. Had a different lady today - she told me to stop both the topical and liquid Nystatin as it's simply not strong enough for the Thrush anymore and to get Miconazole instead (Which is pretty much Monistat). Put it on before and after feeding (apparently he won't spit this up as he doesn't ingest it or whatever) (can't really explain much right now as I'm in too much pain to think), like I was originally doing with the Nystatin.

If I don't see an improvement in 48 hours, I'm to pick up a prescription for Diflucan (Fluconazole). That's the big-assed pill you get when you have a yeast infection... it's pulling out the big guns. No messing around.

I'm calling my GP tomorrow to see if she will call it in for me to have on reserve.

This has just got to end. I can't believe the pain. Let alone the time it takes to feed my little guy.

20 minutes right breast (seriosuly, like clockwork he pulls off after 20 minutes most of the time), two seconds to gulp down the pumped milk (usually about 20-30 ml only), then 20 minutes back on right breast. Then 30-40 minutes to burp, clean, change, and try to sooth to sleep. Then 30 mintues to pump 10 ml for crying out loud. Then I get to sleep for 1/2 hour and it starts all over.

All in a day's work as a mom I suppose! And it's only just starting. Wait till he starts to drive!!!! :)
Once this clears up everything will seem more hopeful as I won't have to pump, which takes SO MUCH TIME (also have to sterilize everything afterwards - the pumping and maintenance takes about 40 mintues which I'll be incredibly grateful to get back!), just right now it's extremely stressful because of the blinding pain.

Oy.

S.

That picture is a much prettier thrush than the one I've got going on. Well, the only site of it is in Oscar's mouth and it's not that bad, but still.....

So, just how long does it take to get rid of thrush anyways? I've been on the meds since Friday but my nipples are still on FIRE and the white spots are still all over Oscar's gums and tongue. They haven't lessened at all.

Here's the scoop on the medication:

I was told by the lactation consultant to put the Nystatin topical cream on nipples and areola before and after each feeding until symptoms clear (plus 2 more days).

I also have to give Oscar 1 ml of the liquid Nystatin four times a day after nursing (which he loves).

BUT, he's spit up globs of the Nystatin cream twice now and it's making me very nervous. Seriously, it comes up in a big GLOB. A big yellow glob.

The doctor's prescription noted to only apply the cream twice a day after a feeding, so that's what I'm going to do to avoid my little guy having it sitting in his stomach. It just can't be that good for him if it's sitting there in a pile until he throws it up.

I'm going to see a community nurse in the morning (and hopefully meet other new moms!) and will ask her what she thinks. I'm also going back to the lactation consultant on Thursday so I'll bring it up during our visit as well. After all, her directions for the remedy and application are on BC Women's Hospital letterhead, so they've got to be on to something, but I really would like to know why they recommend one method and my GP recommends another.

I want it to clear up, and soon but I don't want to see Oscar sick with the stuff.

Any suggestions?

In the meantime, Donald has just brought me back some cabbage to put in my bra to ease some of the soreness and burning. I shall report back.

S.

Oscar's Birth Story. Part Two.
(Go to Part One.)

So I had the morphine shot and was in and out (mostly in) of sleep until about 3am or so. This is now February 5. I woke up at one point and saw Donald making is "bed" on the floor and heard a bit of another birth (horrifying: the part I heard was, "Get this fucking thing out of me." It scared me because it just sounded so violent.)

Michelle and a new resident, Dr. Dunn, came in to check on me. The cervidil was removed, my cervix was checked and I was now dilated 2 centimetres! Success! A bit of sadness that it was only 2 cm, also a bit of relief that I didn't really feel any of it. Phew.

Dr. Dunn (nice doctor - very technical but also personable) inserted another cervidil and it didn't hurt this time. I was all tense ready for the discomfort, but there was none. She wasn't yanking me around in there and twisting and turning. Or, if she was, she had more practice.

And much better bedside manners than the previous resident that was monitoring me. She had been nice and everything, but was not really, uh, gentle.

Anyway, 2nd cervidil in and back to sleep for a while, until the contractions started again and Donald brought me Timmies:

Donald then went for lunch and we had a new nurse on... Sarah. She was delightful! She also teaches a prenatal class that my girlfriend took, Belly to Baby. I was so excited to hear that this RN was the same gal. My girlfriend was SO hoping she'd be on my team in the hospital. And she was! Donald and I both just loved her. She has a magic touch. And she's funny as hell. I was in great hands, once again. I could rest easy knowing that I was being looked after in the best way possible. I had no worries.

Sarah rocked so much that she found me a room to shower. I tell you, it felt sooooooo good.

Until the contractions started again.

Fast and furious. From 0 to 60. Just. Like. That.

Ouch.

I somehow made it back to my room in one piece, grabbed the birthing ball, and prayed for Donald to get back from having a bite to eat before I died.

And he did!

He walked in to this:


That was it. It was now about noon I think. I just couldn't do it freestyle any more. One second I was saying No to Sarah for the drugs and the next second, right now, I was hollering for her on the little bell thing. And she entered the room like an angel. I swear I heard harps and trumpets! I told her I didn't think I could do it anymore. Just. Too. Much. Pain.

That was it. That's all it took. She was in motion. I was moved to Delivery Room #8 (we had the number 8 all around us during this time. It was bizarre. It means fortune apparently. Just thought I'd mention it...), and the IV and epidural were administered right away.

Ahhhhh.

Here's how good I felt about the decision:


And just so you know, the epidural doesn't hurt at all. They put a little prior freezing in, which stings for a second, but the epidural? No pain. At all. The worse part of it was AFTER the fact when they are taking it out.

Let me rephrase... taking it out doesn't hurt either, but it's removing the huge bandage that has it stuck to your back, THAT hurts. You know, the whole ripping a band aid off thing. And it doesn't hurt that bad really, but it just goes to show...

So, epidural in, I'm relaxed and feel no pain. Donald was watching the monitor and a huge contraction just hit and I felt nothing. I was smiling and talking.

Ahhhh. I'm in good hands.

Oxytocin drip on the go now too. Then my water was broken (holy cow... talk about the biggest pair of chopsticks known to man!).

And now?

Sarah's shift was over. Boo hoo. But she had told us that she'd try to find us a rockin' nurse, and in walked Selena! My god, they were good to us. These are three ladies that I'd love to have lunch with downtown. Lunch and martinis. We were so impressed with them and just fell in love with them all! Delightful gals, wonderful nurses, and great human beings.

So, back to the labour... I hope I have the details right, but I think they put the oxytocin drip on 6 right away and that got the contractions going a bit more, but when they moved it up to 8, Oscar's heart rate dropped so they stopped and were monitoring very closely. They tried it again a bit later but it dropped once more, so back to 6 it was.

As 6 wasn't doing much (I think it's 6 ml they're talking about to get the contractions moving faster and closer together) and 8 seemed to put distress on Oscar, they started talking about inserting something through my cervix, past his head and down his side. I can't for the life of me remember what this was but it sounded horrendously invasive. But, if it was necessary, it was necessary.

But it wasn't!

When Selena was on a break and I was napping the nurse had put the oxytocin drip up to 10 and Oscar was fine. And things were a movin' and a shakin'. Everything started to come together. I was dilated to 4 now. It was about 8pm or so.

Next thing it's 11pm and I'm dilated 9 cm.

Holy Shit.

I'm about to have a baby.

Selena called in the OB and the rest of the team for me to meet everyone. They were wonderful. The room was set up in no time. Donald was by my side. At midnight we started to push.

Everything up to this point felt surreal. More like a process. I had to remove myself from it all, in a way, to preserve my sanity, all the while staying connected to my son. And telling him what was going on every step of the way. Feeling that heart connection (also to preserve my sanity!). But I couldn't allow myself to really FEEL the weight of what was happening. I'd be a crying hysterical mess if I did. Just the trauma wrapped around it all (of the induction and the poking and prodding and his heart rate dropping and and and....). It was difficult to stay grounded, but I had to, so it was easy as well. Bizarre, hey? This was about a human being that needed to be safe and cared for so he'd be born ok. When you take it down to that primal level, staying grounded was easy. When I focussed on HIM. When I focussed on ME, it was another story. That's when the panic would have set in.

But now? We were about to have a baby! Oscar was about to be born! Things were happening, not passively but actively! I was present, I was involved, my husband was ready and holding me and encouraging me and this was our last few moments, EVER, as "just us". In a very short while, our whole life would change. So I stepped out of my grogginess and jumped in with both feet.

Oscar was on his way.

Oscar doesn't smell.

I mean, he sure does when he poops, and his head does after he spits up (boy does it ever), but he doesn't have that baby smell.

I was looking forward to that smell. My friend's babies all have that smell. Why not Oscar? Where does the baby smell come from?

Or is it simply the Johnson & Johnson that makes babies smell, and Oscar doesn't because I don't use those products?

What's going on? Why doesn't my baby smell like baby?

S.

I've been having a horrendous time breastfeeding. Sore nipples galore. Like, horribly sore. Especially one side. But I was pushing through, somehow, until thismorning.

It was the 4am feed that pushed me over the edge.

Usually, the pain passes in a few minutes. Not this time. Oscar's little bottom lip just grazed my nipple and I screamed out in pain. And the tears started.

Mine, not Oscar's.

And didn't stop until I was on my way to the lactation specialist at BC Women's at 10:30.

It was just awful. I knew the latch was ok, in my heart I knew it. Everything was a go. He was set up well. He was latched well. So why the pain? And especially on the one breast? I mean, seering, seething pain that was so incredible it actually ran up my left arm and down my back.

That sort of pain.

Why can't I get this breastfeeding thing down? The latch seems ok, why can't I do it? Why can't I feed my son properly? I'm a bad mother. I suck. I'm a wimp. Everyone else does it, why can't I? Why the pain? What's wrong with me?

So that was it. I called my girlfriends for help. One of them recommended that I call the Lactation consultant at BC Women's and let them know about the pain and that I was ready to throw in the towel and hopefully they'd get me in to see them thismorning.

And they did.

And it was a success.

I have thrush.

Me and Oscar both have thrush.

I'm so grateful that it's something. That we can put our finger on it and treat it and I can continue to breastfeed.

I was *this* close to ending it all and turning to pumping & bottle feeding, that's how bad the pain was. And that's saying something as I was so looking forward to exclusive breastfeeding.

And I still can! I am feeding Oscar from the right breast only for now, pumping the left and feeding Oscar that milk through a bottle. Putting a topical cream (antifungal) on the right breast before feeding so he gets it too, and putting it on again (both breasts though) after feeding so I continue to get the medication. And, Oscar gets even more in liquid form after feeding via a q-tip soaked in it and rubbed all over his lips, gums, cheeks, tongue, basically all throughout his mouth.

And he's such a trooper that he doesn't mind. He doesn't mind the ointment on my nipple, the liquid in his mouth, he took to the bottle no problem and continues to enjoy the breast.

He's such a good boy. I'm blessed really. I can handle two weeks of this. My little guy is thriving and I will again too.

You have no idea how relieved I am that it's only a yeast infection and not the end of breastfeeding.

Phew.

One thing I do wish, however, is that the hospital would have let me know that the antibiotics I received during delivery may lead to thrush and what to look out for. That would have saved me alot of tears and terror over the last 24 hours.

S.

Oscar's Birth Story. Part One.

I don't know how many "parts" to this story there will be. Could be three only, as we were in the hospital for three days leading up to his birth. Could be four or five parts, as there are many instances in between that deserve telling. Could be a few more as there are also a few moments days following his birth (while still in hospital) that need to be mentioned in order to do him (and me) justice. And may aid in healing and clearing for both mom and son.

It wasn't an easy ordeal. Oscar's actual birth and the following days were quite traumatic for both of us, and for Dad too, to see his wife in such pain - the physical pain of, well, labour, induction and delivery, forceps, episiotomy and hemorrhoids, as well as (and much more painful) the emotional pain of being separated from her child for what seemed like an eternity.

It was joyous though, I mean, my son was born. He made it! He's healthy. He's safe. He has 10 fingers and 10 toes (although his big toe is so HUGE I think it counts as two). And looking back, it was a beautiful experience, bringing a child into the world. A little being. A glorious creature (and such a gorgeous boy!)

So off we go with Oscar's Birth Story....

On February 3 we had an appointment at BC Women's for an ultrasound an monitoring as we were officially one week overdue.

First up was the monitoring. A fetal heart monitor was strapped to my belly to hear his heartbeat. It was all good. It was in the 130's. I had to click a button when I felt him move - they wanted to count the movements within a certain time frame (an hour I think). So that was all good as well. No problems, all was well. (Although Donald and I did find that the nurse who was working with us treated him like a moron. Trying to talk all "sporty" to him... comparing the uterus to a football, then something else to a baseball game, just ridiculous and rather insulting actually. She must be used to men/husbands/partners who aren't as involved or as knowledgeable maybe.).

Next up was the ultrasound. What they found with this was that the amniotic fluid was low. "Moderately" low. Enough to get another opinion and send us to admitting to chat with the OB on call.

I was more curious than nervous. I knew that if there was a panic, we were in the right place!

Off we went to admitting and were greeted by a fantastic nurse, Selena. (who factors into Oscar's birth much later...)

Now, Donald and I are HUGE on customer service and so the way Selena was attentive to us and popped her head out into the waiting room to tell us she was heading for lunch and that Dr. Rosengarden would be out after he finishes up with a c-section meant the world to two people who weren't quite sure what came next. We fell in love with her then and there!

Next up, Dr. Rosengarden came out and met us and off we went behind curtain #3. He explained that they weren't overly concerned with rushing an induction that very day because the fluid was only moderately low and that we could wait until our scheduled induction on Friday Feb 6 OR, we could be admitted the next day to start the induction. He checked my cervix and it was shut tight (I do believe it was because I could hear a woman labouring behind curtain #2.... but I digress.)

Donald and I took a few minutes to ourselves and opted for being admitted the following day, Wednesday Feb 4.

At this point Oscar was safer on the outside than the inside. And two additional days of stressing would be worse on all of us.

So we went home, repacked our hospital bag, ordered take out, snuggled down for the night knowing that it would be our last night at home as just us. At about 8:00pm Donald ran to Safeway to grab something. I was curled up on the couch reading.

And I had a contraction.

At first I didn't know what it was, but 15 minutes later another one came. And it hurt. And 15 minutes later another one came.

And it hurt bad.

I was going to call Donald to come home when he walked through the door. We waited and watched for about another hour before we admitted to ourselves that I was actually in labour. Finally! Labour started naturally! YAY!

OUCH!

YAY! It was starting! I might not need to be induced!

They got more frequent, stronger, and closer together. By the time they were 6 minutes apart, we were completely convinced we'd be in the hospital by midnight. So we got ready:

(All dressed and ready to go. One of the last pictures of me pregnant.)

And then they slowed down.

To 12 minutes apart. 15 minutes apart. 20 minutes apart. So we got undressed and crawled into bed. I managed to get snippets of 10 minutes of sleep in between contractions (it's pretty stressful just waiting for the next one!), and next thing you know it's morning and the hospital called and wanted us to come in for the induction.

So off we went, contractions speeding up again to about 10 minutes apart.

We got there at about 10am, were admitted and in our temporary room by 10:30am, consulted with the induction nurse, then the Resident, then my OB popped in to chat with me about what to expect that day.

I thought I'd have my little guy in my arms by the end of the day! Boy, was I wrong. I had researched induction and all the drugs they use and options there are... but I neglected to research what to expect on the physical side of things, and the time frame.

I'm glad I went into it blind in that respect.

Really glad.

At noon, Dr. Yin (Resident) came in and inserted the cervidil.


Not a pleasant experience. AT ALL. It's a wafer-like thing with a string. It felt like she was wrapping the string around my cervix for crying out loud - and she may have been (according to the pic?) - whatever she was doing was really uncomfortable (only to find out later that it doesn't have to be so - or not nearly as bad anyway).

And then the waiting game started.

And the waiting game was over very very quickly as contractions started very soon following. At first slowly, only a few an hour, but they were so incredibly painful. I couldn't even open my eyes. Donald turning the pages of the newspaper was driving me over the edge. And then a friend popped in and when I asked for quiet and she started whispering (hello.. quiet means QUIET to a woman in labour, lol!!!), THAT was driving me over the edge. I think Donald must have motioned for her to shhhhh until the contraction was over, because then he was describing to her what I had been going through with each contraction so far. By now it was about 5:00pm. I laid there for another few hours until a FANTASTIC new nurse, Michelle, came on.

Delightful gal. We both just loved her. She was born to do this. She gave us options to move around, walk the halls, use the birthing ball, do whatever I wanted to ease the pain. My OB popped in again before she left for the day offering me drugs to ease the pain.

I turned them down.

Until I didn't.

So off Donald and I went, roaming the halls, listening to all the women either in labour or actually giving birth.

Totally freaky.

Walking around brought on more contractions. Fast and Furious. Ouch Ouch Ouch. We went back to our room and tried out the birthing ball. Michelle popped in to see if I wanted any meds to ease the pain, and once again I declined.

Until I didn't.

So the only thing that seemed to help at this point was leaning over the ball and rocking/swaying my hips a bit.

Until that didn't help any more. Until the contractions were every 3 minutes. Until it felt like my lower body was being ripped in half.

By now it was 9pm. Cervidil had been in for 9 hours. I was in so much pain my knees were buckling. We called for Michelle and she called for Dr. Yin who checked my cervix. I was dilated! YAY!

ONE FREAKIN' CENTIMETRE!

All that pain and I was only 1 cm. Oh my God.

I felt like a failure. A total failure. I mean, if I was screaming for morphine at 1 cm and I still had NINE to go... what does that say about my pain threshold? That I'm a wimp? And here I thought I always had a high threshold for pain? WTF? I seriously felt like a failure.

Until Michelle, bless her, explained induction to me. That contractions were being forced on me, on my body. That the pain of inductions was 3 times that of natural labour (don't get pissed off now, I'm not minimizing natural labour, just telling it like it is, medically, as it was told to me).

When she explained the process and what the cervidil was doing to my body and at the force it was happening, I was back to being myself and got over the failure bit. I felt more like a trooper for lasting that long without drugs. But that was short lived as I realized it was unnecessary and I might be in this pain for another 39 hours. The next contraction felt like the end of my life so I hollared for Michelle and was administered a shot of morphine and gravol and slept for a few hours. (BTW? Getting a needle in the butt was funny in a painful way. I felt like a cartoon strip. Go figure.)

That was pretty much Day 1. Donald and I survived Day 1 of induction. Thanks in a great part to our nurse, Michelle. And our patience with each other and his encouragement of me.

I've never had to lean on someone so much in my life. To be able to just let go and not worry about judgement as I got cranky (turning pages of newspaper!!), was completely new to me. To totally let go and just be how I needed to be, let the organic process happen with my emotions, have someone as patient and strong as Donald to hold me up when I felt like I was falling... is the ultimate of unconditional love. We could have moved mountains that day, I swear. Nobody else mattered. It was just me and him bringing our baby into this world.

S.

(Read Part 2)

So I thought Oscar just hated diaper changes, but we noticed tonight that his bum is getting red.

Seems to be the start of diaper rash.

He just screams when we put him on the change table, let alone try to clean his bum.

Oh my heart.

Any suggestions? More baths? Less baths? Diaper rash cream when butt wet or dry?

We're pretty much doing what "they" tell us to do (air dry, diaper cream, soft cloth (no wipes), etc) but are looking for any advice, wisdom and/or remedies.

Help!

S.

Happy Valentine's Day.

Donald and I usually celebrate on Feb 15; we find today to be SO overrated. Long waits at the restaurants, COLD FOOD, over-priced flowers, the list goes on. So we've made Feb 15 our day.

I'm thinking steamed ginger chicken from our favourite take-out joint and just basking in our home with our new family.

It doesn't get better than that.

***

Something I've discovered about newborns? When they pass gas it feels like a volcano erupting and I swear they can hear him in Whistler and smell him in Nunavut.

S.

Seriously.... how cute is this dude?

Oscar in his Amby. Think we're going to keep to use in the living room area. He likes it more than the bassinet.

Closer up in his Amby.

In daddy's arms. No matter how tired I am at 3:00am and just want to crawl right back into bed when feeding and changing is over, I look into his eyes and I just kiss him and kiss him and chat with him and go on and on and on and I no longer feel tired in those moments. I mean, just LOOK at him!

Milk drunk. We laughed our heads off as he slipped off the nipple and ended up in this pose. I'm thinking a child prodigy model.

The little dude was up alot last night. He's one hungry monkey! So today will be trying to catch up on sleep while he naps, and while Donald is off buying a shelving unit for his room. We've got so much stuff and nowhere to put it. For example... where in the world do you store pacifiers you aren't planning on using but want to keep as a "just in case"? And same with the teether things that you stick in the freezer. You know, the plastic ones? I'm not comfy putting something plastic in my sons mouth (unless it's clearly marked BPA-free, phthalate-free, etc) (and not even then really), but want to hang on (to the BPA-free ones!) just in case a frozen washcloth doesn't do the trick. We're all about going with the flow and doing what's necessary to ensure Oscar is as healthy and as safe as possible.

We're simply trying to do our best as parents and make conscious decisions where our son is involved.

Personally, I think that's a good thing!

So we have all these little things..... all piling up in Oscar's room (in his crib actually. So where are we going to put them when we finally buy a mattress????)

Ikea rocks for storage solutions so off Daddy goes today.

Had to wear a bra to bed last night. Nipple is still really sore (only one really hurts. And when I say "hurts" I mean, "shoot me now".).

We have received a few baskets from my husband's colleagues that we have yet to open. And a few cute things from friends. No time for thank you cards yet - I haven't even had the time to brush my teeth yet today! - but we have everything piled up in YET ANOTHER corner of Oscar's room and will get to that when we get to it.

Off we go, one day at a time.

S.

The community nurse came by yesterday for "the visit". I had high hopes. It's a great program run by the Fraser Health Authority. I was so looking forward to getting community information, breastfeeding tips and advice, weighing Oscar (he's back up to 8.1!), and finding out just what services are offered through the Health Authority.

Boy, was I sadly disappointed.

See, it's all in the delivery. And this particular nurse had no bedside manners whatsoever.

Basically, we were interrupting her lunch hour. She was a warden.

The whole time I was thinking, "I bet she's a cat lady". And she was! She has no children, 2 pets, worked at BC Women's in the ICU (babies) a loooooooong time ago, and is a public educator basically.

(I have two cats myself that I'm crazy about and am not meaning this to piss anyone off again.... I just mean the stereotypical "cat lady".)

She was just SO not a people-person.

She did, however, have some great tips and information to pass along. So it IS a great program, but she is just brutal. She was bashing the hospital and the advice we received there (breastfeeding), and totally turned me off of the whole program until I realized it's her, not the program that's broken. So that switched the energetics around the visit and it sailed along after that.

Today Oscar has his first doctor's appointment with my GP. Not sure what to expect with this first visit, other than a general check up, weighing again and perhaps just passing along his discharge papers. I just know it's only been six days since he was born and I'm not ready to take him out of the house yet and into a doctor's office full of sick people! But off we go. It's my issue, not his.

A family member popped by yesterday in an absolute whirlwind. It was good that they got to visit as she only got to hold him once in the hospital before he had to rest for 2 days, and then she got some sort of infection. The rest of the family is probably going to start coming by the end of next week. I need some time to recover physically. I mean, nobody (family or not) needs to see me struggling with my hemorrhoid cushion or getting glimpse of the sitz bath hiding behind my sink. And we're still getting into the groove of things, no need to worry about making tea for company and cleaning up the house before they arrive! We have a little guy to get settled (and his mom!).

Some exciting news: his Great-Godmother is visiting next week! I don't know if there really is such a title, but there you go, there is now. I'm so excited to see her! And so excited for Oscar to meet her! She's a fantastic woman who let me eat sugar cereal growing up when the cereal we had at home was supplemented with WHEAT GERM! (God Mom, what were you thinking?! I mean, I use it now myself, but still.....)

Haven't downloaded any pictures yet, but my brother's girlfriend has some good ones that I'm waiting for so hopefully one of us will get to it shortly!

S.

I swear to God, Oscar DOES exist and we'll be posting pictures of him soon.

The ones we have are of him in the incubator and I don't want that energy perpetuated through this blog. Only healthy thoughts here! Some will be emailed to me soon and I'll post a few up here.

He's just too gorgeous not to.

On another note: Oscar pooped on the floor last night. Well, first he pooped all down my robe and then onto the floor. How do they do this? He had already gone and I had cleaned him and had to pick him up from the change table to reach for something and there it was.

Poop all over mom.

And the floor.

I can't remember for the life of me why I didn't have a diaper on him. Oh, wait, I know.... because HE HAD JUST POOPED FIVE MINUTES PRIOR.

S.

You know what's absolutely magical?

Sitting up late at night when the house is quiet, the neighbourhood even quieter, and the only sound you hear is the sound of your son quietly feeding at your breast.

Night #1 at home was fantastic. We're finding our way. Coordinating the diaper change is the funniest (and most time-consuming) thing. Oscar is not a fan. Babies are so squirmy!

Poor Donald... when O's poop started to change from the black tar of meconium to the green "stuff" that it now is (that STICKS to his bottom), I thought he was going to have a heart attack. I've never seen it either, but I mean, poop is poop. What's the deal?

And speaking of poop....

I do believe the universe is getting back at me for choosing to have an epidural for childbirth, by making me go through absolute hell in the pain that comes with the first bowel movement post-birth.

Not good times.

Perhaps tonight we can order take-out from The Banana Leaf.

Works every time.

And now? Time to wake up Oscar for his snacky.

S.

PS: LOVE your comments! Love the positivity behind all of them! Thanks so much for thinking of us enough to leave a note.

S.

Oscar's home!

We came home from hospital today. FINALLY!

Feels wonderful to be a family in our home. Feels so different. Feels right.

Oscar Joshua Yen-Jo Lee was born on February 6 at 3:05am at BC Women's Hospital. He was a very surprising weight of 8.4 lbs and was 21 & 3/4 inches. Long baby.

Big baby.

Laboured for 55 hours. Loved every minute of it. It simply meant that he was that much closer to being here! (Don't get me wrong, the labour pains were something fierce.. but much more on that later.)

It was quite the traumatic birth for the little guy, and very traumatic for me as I couldn't be with him right away, and couldn't start feeding him until about 36 hours later... but he's ok, (he was the "Big Kid on Campus" in the intermediate nursery!), he's home, he's healthy, he's a monster at breastfeeding, he's a devil at peeing on his own face, he has the most beautiful eyes I've ever seen, and he is, quite simply, Love.

More, much more, later. For now, it's time to nap with my little guy.

Off to the hospital!

12 hours of early labour in the "comfort" of my own home and the induction nurse just called. I told her that labour actually started on it's own and she recommended we come in right away all the same as we're 8 days over. As labour has quieted down a bit for me, I might need some help to get it moving again (drip perhaps). Which means.... We'll be admitted!

Won't have to worry about being sent home. Phew! Somewhere to lay my hat until our son is here!

And another fantastic piece of news... my OB is on today! Looks like she'll deliver if things go well.

S.

Labour has started. Contractions are fast and furious. Can't get comfortable. I guess just the mere thought of being induced, induced me! :)

Oh God, here comes another one....
s.

*Update*

Very briefly as we're having a quiet night together at home.... We're being induced tomorrow. The Non-Stress Test was all good, but when I had the ultrasound, it showed the amniotic fluid was a bit low (moderately low). So, after a consult with the on-call OB, it was left to us whether we wanted to go ahead with induction tomorrow, or wait until Friday.

We chose tomorrow.

For a few reasons.

• He's ready. He's 41 weeks in there!
• We don't want to take a chance that we're doing him any harm at all by leaving him alone in there for 3 more days. Might be only three days, but still.... (with this going on, it's better he comes out than stays in)
• Waiting until Friday to induce would mean constant bed rest for me and also back and forth to the hospital for monitoring (so I guess not constant bed rest!)
• My stress about the above point would, in our opinion, be worse on him.
• It is, simply, time.

Cervix is still not dilated. I think it might have been but when we were in the Assessment area, there was a woman in labour and it friggin' freaked me out so much that my cervix immediately closed!!! :)

The induction will start with a pill called Cervidol. It apparently softens the cervix. It's also on a string, so if things move along too fast, it can be removed. The OB called it, wait for it now.... "soap on a rope". I thought that was hilarious.

Anyway, they'll insert that, watch me for an hour or so, and if nothing, send me home for a while. Then I'll go back 6 hours later for another one. If that one doesn't take I think the oxytocin starts. OR, if I'm finally dilated a bit they'll break the water or do the membrane sweep. I'm not a candidate for oxytocin at this point because the cervix isn't ripe enough for it.

Or something.

Can't remember it all right now, nor the exact order of things, just that it's all starting tomorrow!

As upsetting as it may be that labour is being induced, it also means that my son is that much closer to being safely in my arms. As a friend once said when talking about bringing children into this world, "It doesn't matter HOW they get here... just that they do."

Exactly.

I may post in the morning, or when we come home/IF we come home to wait for the Cervidol to kick in, but who knows how the next day or so will go.

Best bet is to stay tuned via twitter!


One week overdue.

Off to hospital in a few minutes for ultrasound and monitoring... to make sure all is well with him in there. Hopefully my OB will be there and we can chat about the tentative induction on Friday - what the procedures are, what they'll start with (ie: membrane sweep if I'm dilated at all? Prostaglandin gel? Oxytocin?), how it all works.

If all is well with everything today; if placenta looks good, fluid looks good, heart is beating at whatever rate is normal at this point, all that good stuff.... then we'll be sent home with a date and time for induction IF it doesn't start on it's own.

And on my side... if that's the case, I'm meeting up with Dr. Tanya again this week, and I've been chatting with a bodyworker to look into Bowen Therapy and if it can help induce labour naturally. I'm still fighting the good fight to have things happen naturally! (Hmmmm, I used the word "fighting"... perhaps I should change the languaging!)

Having bizarre dreams still. But it's good: they're showing me places I still have to work on before baby comes. For example? Two nights ago I dreamt that a woman wouldn't give me by son back. She was holding him and when I went to get him, she turned away with him in her arms and did not want to give him to me.

Not good. I woke up completely panicked and mad and really upset. And remained that way for a few hours until I got a bit of advice via Twitter.

And then last night I dreamt that I was fighting a female vampire. Woke up thismorning wondering who is sucking the energy out of me. Who's the energetic vampire in my life?

Good news?

I won the battle.

So I know I'm on solid ground with myself.

By the way, I've set up Twitter on my cell phone so I can text in updates along the way. If you want to follow along with the labour and delivery (well, I dare say I won't be texting during delivery!), you can follow me on Twitter, or check this blog often and look on the right sidebar to the Twitter update box.

All for now, time to hit the road!

S.

40 weeks 6 days.

Went for acupuncture round #2 today with Dr. Tanya. It was different. Something has shifted. Can't quite put my finger on it, other than the fact that I'm SO READY (!) and perhaps it will all happen very soon. Perhaps he'll decide that it's time and things will start moving along. Like right now. Ok, Ok, wishful thinking.

Both Dr. Tanya and my mom seem to think I've dropped even more. I didn't think there was any more room to drop, lol!

I'm having alot of cramping and pressure happening, but, alas, still no labour.

He's still very very active in there. As for me, I'm not so active. It takes so much energy just sitting down for crying out loud! More of the mucus plug is breaking up (at least I think that's what's happening!). And yet, still no labour. Argh.

Tomorrow morning we're off to BC Women's for the ultrasound and monitoring. We'll learn more at that point - and I'll get to see him again! - and I'll have lots of info to digest and research. Started to look into medical inductions earlier thismorning so will keep up with it tomorrow (if all looks good with him and we aren't admitted!) so I have a clear picture of what exactly we're in for... IF we have to go that route.

All for now. Time to crawl into bed and hope I can sleep for more than 2 hours straight! (I'm sure I'll be saying that in a week or so too... but for a much better reason!)

S.

40 weeks 5 days.

I am SO restless. We both are. It's like knowing a Vegas trip is only 2 days away.

Only better.

And scarier. Hey, at least I know what to expect in Vegas!

I have another acupuncture appointment tomorrow so we'll see if that moves things along. Plus it's just a bonus to visit with Dr. Tanya. And have a nice, relaxing session. You know really, I can do as much of this as I want but the truth is, it's either going to happen naturally or it's not. Simple as that. He'll arrive in the way that he's supposed to arrive. I don't have much say in it. Other than putting off any medical interventions for as long as it's safe to. I'm not about to jeopardize his health and safety in any way so I'll definitely do what needs to be done. But only when it needs to be done.

Donald is pretty much done work now except for going in for a few hours early tomorrow morning. At least I'll have company in my restlessness until labour starts. IF it starts on it's own. WHEN it starts on it's own.

We're going to be all prepared (I've got to work on being emotionally prepared) for Tuesday and the possibility that we may be admitted and induced. (First time on this site?: If I don't go into labour NOW (ok, ok, I have until tomorrow), we go in on Tuesday for an ultrasound and monitoring. If there's anything that makes the doctors uncomfortable with what they might see/find, we'll be admitted.) So we're doing laundry, cleaning up our room, making sure cats are fed, all that good stuff on Tuesday morning.

Just in case.

Whatever it takes to make sure he arrives safely. Count me in.

S.