Last night I dreamt that McDreamy was the OB delivering my baby (and he was very polite and friendly!). I was so nervous until a nurse gave me a quick pep talk and then I rolled over to my left side and started to deliver that way. He was crowning - and there was absolutely no pain at all. Just the sensation of my body doing what it's made to do. And then everything stopped; I was so shocked that it was so easy and so painless that I froze in disbelief. McDreamy then started talking to me and the baby, gently saying, "Come on, you can do it, quickly now" and there was a sense of calm urgency in the room. I knew I had to relax totally and work with my baby in order for him to come out naturally. I looked up at the wall calendar and it was January 27 (which is my due date). Then I woke up.

Hmmmm.

I'm not sleeping again. I get about 3 or 4 hours a night, then wake up for 3, then sleep again for 3 or so. I think I'm nervous about labor and delivery. Not so much for the actual birth as much as just the whole experience. I mean, I've never done it before. I have no point of reference (which I quite like. I'm much better at things when I don't know what I'm getting into.) and I know that each person's experience is different, so even when people are telling me what they went through I know that mine will be different. It will be my own. Which I love as well! And I'll be in a weird place, physically, that I'm not familiar with: the hospital. Full of people I don't know in scrubs and uniforms. I just want to make sure I can be as comfortable as I want to be. Make my room "my own" so to speak. I'll have to fill it with "Stephi energy" to be comfortable - but that's easy enough I suppose. I have this thing where I want everyone else to be ok and I put myself last. I never want to step on anyone's toes (Come on... who wants to piss off somebody that will be poking around your vagina for the better part of their day?!).

I'll just have to focus on putting myself first - after all, it's about the healthy delivery of my little guy and my own safety and joyful experience as well!

Also, he's just so active that he keeps me awake. Seriously, like an alien is inside of me, poking and prodding me from the inside. It's the most bizarre feeling. I love it! And yet it's still very bizarre to have a little creature inside of you living it's own little life right now. It won't be long until I get to see those movements up close and in person! Which brings me to....

...early signs of labour. What are they? My OB said that I'd definitely know, and I'm sure I will, but what are the signs? (Besides water breaking.) Let me know if I'm on the right track here. Knowing me I'll want to be alone and go somewhere by myself (must tell Donald to be aware of that, because in the midst of it all I probably won't realize it!).

• Contractions that are regular and last for "x"- seconds instead of just here and there, and getting longer and stronger and closer together.

That's the only one I know of as a sure sign of labor. Anyone have any other tips for me?

As for my body getting ready to give birth, I've been told and/or have experienced a few of the following:

• More frequent bowel movement(s)/diarrhea
• Increased vaginal discharge - which is already happening
• Baby slows down movements
• Baby has "dropped" (but will I notice this? I hear that alot of the breathlessness will be gone (finally!), but other than that, will I know that he has dropped lower into my pelvis (or wherever they drop to?) Will I feel it? How can you not feel a baby pushing against your cervix, or wherever he lands...even if it is just the tip of his head!)
• Increase in boob size? Or is this after birth and when your milk is coming in?
• Wanting to nest. Yes, this has is happening too. I just want to stay at home with my husband and enjoy time with him.

So much stuff on the go! I'm so loving this whole experience. My pregnancy has been a dream, just so easy and uncomplicated. I'm so grateful for that. I've only got a few more weeks to go, let's focus on it staying that way!

All for now.

s.

Can anyone recommend when is the best time (and how) to buy a few nursing bras? I'm 8 months along and want to grab a couple over the next week or so (remember, I had that dream that my little guy came on Jan 15) but I'm not sure how big my boobs will be getting once my milk comes in. Or if that even affects it.....

Help!

A Twitter friend recommended buying now and buying one cup-size bigger. Yes? No? Another Twitter friend recommended nursing tanks from Sears - and will look at those for when I'm around the house (gotta love tank tops!), but I just am not sure how to go about it. And how many should I buy? I tend to buy things like this in threes. One for now, one for later, one for just in case (hmmm... sounds like last call!).

Would love your input! Thanks!

Something shifted last night and I woke up feeling odd, feeling off in a way. Just not the same. I don't know if he's moved down a bit and that's all it is or what's going on, but I just felt off. I was very hot and a bit crampy and even a tad dizzy for a few minutes. And so heavy. I physically felt heavy. Heavy belly. And really, really tight belly.

Could be emotions, I mean it's been a busy and emotional couple of days, but it was just so odd to me.

A few things I've noticed over the past few days is that he's on my bladder ALOT! I'm using the washroom ALOT. Like, waking up in the middle of the night a few times. And that hasn't really happened yet. And he's getting even MORE active in there! I thought he's be totally quieted down by now, but boy he's active still! I love it, I love feeling him roll around, it just shocks me in a way that it's still going on! Mom says he'll probably quiet down as he gets closer to making his appearance - so that's something for me to watch for. It's getting to that point for me now... I'm paying attention to everything that's happening with my body for signs of "It's time".

I'm currently reading Hypnobirthing by Marie F. Mongan. And you know something? It's, to me, written in a threatening manner almost. As though doctors are "out to get you" and just want to intervene to get it over with so they can get out of there. I'm only on page 121, but that's how it's striking me right now. 1st edition was written in 1992, 3rd in 2005. She's obviously had bad experiences with hospitals. There's a checklist of questions to ask the hospital should you choose to give birth in a hospital, and it's almost like "I dare you to find a hospital that has any of these attributes".

But you know what?

BC Women's has all of them. I'm just so happy with my choice for a hospital birth, especially at a baby-friendly facility. And so incredibly happy with my OB. She's open to my questions and suggestions and, so far, the experience that I would like for me and my baby.

Now, what I am enjoying about the book is how she communicates the connection you have with your yet-to-be-born baby. The communication you already enjoy with your child. And the connection you can have with your baby through the whole birth experience. And of course I'm looking forward to learning more about the whole hypnobirthing technique(s).

All for now. Here's a 35-week belly shot.

When I was very young I experienced a major trauma. And again in my teenage years. And through it all, when you'd think that I'd have no trust left in male authority figures in my life, there was still one man whom I felt safe around besides my father.

Only one.

And he died yesterday.

And I don't quite know what to do with that.

He was invincible to me. He was kind and considerate and fun and SAFE. The only safe man in my young life. And so giving. And so loving and gentle. And he's gone. And I'm just heartbroken. And my little guy will never have the chance to meet him.

And it's interesting to me that I married a man that has a few of my father's attributes, but also - in looking at it now - many attributes of this man as well. He's patient. He's hilarious! He's gentle. He's loving. He's incredibly generous in spirit, time, space and never-ending love and support.

And he's safe.

And I'm so grateful that I've found someone like that for me. And that we're starting a family. I'm very, very grateful today, as I mourn the loss of a tremendous person. And I mourn for his family and what they're going through and how much I love them.

If you're called to, you can donate in memory of Glen Hansen at Craigs Cause.
(UPDATE: website is down - will be back up on Monday Dec 29.)

S.

35 weeks along and what the heck is sticking out of my belly all the time?

I'm studying the picture above and trying to figure out if it's his butt that pops out above my belly button (bellybutton update: a full outie now) ,which I think it is because it's pretty big and pretty round. And when I say "big", I mean "almost the size of a tennis ball". Is that the size of a newborn bum? And then there's the mystery of smaller bits sticking out on either side of my belly button and even up under by my boobs/rib area. And sometimes little things sticking out all the way on my sides! Bizarre. He is still so active!

So there's alot going on as he's getting ready to make his public appearance!

He's around 5.25lbs and is about 18" from head to toe. Jesus, that's big. I'm still getting nervous and how much he's growing in there. His kidneys are fully developed and his liver can process some waste. My, how far he's come!

Freaky fact? My uterus has expanded to 1000 times it's original size.

I'm still only about 25 lbs heavier than usual. Didn't make it to the doctor appointment on Monday due to the snow, but weighed myself at home and still at 147. Which is HUGE for me, but all in the belly! Still pretty breathless - but I mean, my uterus is up under my ribs. Apparently when he drops, some of the breathlessness will ease up. Wish the heartburn would. I get it just from breathing for crying out loud. And I've been storm-stayed for three days and I only have 3 tums left and nothing is open tomorrow due to Christmas. Just delightful. I'll have to ease up on the turkey dinner (although mom already cooked it to get everything ready in advance, so really, our Christmas dinner is nothing more than leftovers.) (But leftovers ARE the best!)

And for mom?

I've got a few things left to do - forgot about his room for the past few weeks, so am packing away everything for him that is over the 3 month mark to make room in his dresser for all the newborn - 3 month clothing. We have SO much, it's insane. And I've only bought a handful of items. The rest were hand-me-downs and gifts. Just so much. It's great!

I have everything (almost) ready for the "hospital bag" so am packing that tonight. And will type up the birth plan and go over it with Donald. I just want to make sure we're on the same page - especially if anything happens to me and I am unable to communicate with the nurses or Donald. I've booked my hair appointment and massage and will book the pedi soon too. Then it's smooth sailing!

Just hope the rain comes soon to wash this snow away. Don't want to be 8 months pregnant and driving Vancouver streets with people that aren't used to the snow!

All for now.

S.

You know what I did today?

Nothing!

It was awesome!

Woke up at 7am and peeked outside to major snow on the ground. Woke up again at 9:30 to more coming down and even more on the ground. Got up, checked email. Had pancakes. And was exhausted! Crawled back in bed to read a bit and didn't get out until 5pm! Good times. Right now, Donald is shovelling the snow and I'm supposed to be doing the books. But here I am.

Had a dream last night that the baby came early... (how can babies be "early"??? They come when they come!). January 15 is the magical day. We'll see!

Have a doctor's appointment in the morning. Nervous about the roads as we're supposed to get another 10 cm tonight. May cancel and see if I can get squeezed in another day, or just stay put until my next appointment on Jan 3.

Ok, now I'm off to do the books.

2008 Medical Weblog Awards - Pregnant Stephanie is nominated in the Best Patient's Blog category, alongside medical patients whom are in the throws of a disease or surgery. Or are recovering. Or are living with a debilitating condition.

Wow. I’m among such fine folks and fellow bloggers.

I mean, me? Really?

I’m just a happy pregnant gal.

S.

At this point in a pregnancy, 34 weeks, not much changes. From what I can tell and what I've read it's mostly just the baby's weight increasing (fat layers). Right now, at 34 weeks, I'm reading that he's probably around 4.7 lbs and 45 cm from head to toe.

That always freaks me out. That fits all in here? He's all squished up all happy in here?:

For mom? Got a great tip to wear satin pyjamas to bed as they are so slippery they'll help me roll over. The thing is... I haven't seen satin maternity jammies. And I only have a month to go until we're ready so it's hard to justify spending yet more money on maternity clothes. Although I AM buying a couple of layering shirts as the tops I have now are all riding up my stomach. And as cute as I think it might be in the privacy of my own home, it's not so nice, nor comfortable, when I realize after walking all through Ikea that my stomach has been hanging out the whole time.

I've got to buy a car seat. This is ridiculous. If they don't have it in stock it'll have to be ordered and it can take AGES apparently. So, Donald and I are heading out shopping tomorrow, we've GOT to buy one/order one. This is just silly.

I'm still totally into nesting and hanging out with Donald. Seriously, just me and him. Loving it. Loving the time together, even if it's just watching tv or me nagging him to put a dimmer switch in the nusery. We're having a great time together. For the first time in our 5 year history, we went Christmas shopping together. We NEVER do that. And we had a great time! Until I completely ran out of steam and had to sit down on a sweater display and eat a granola bar.

The little guy is totally moving around in there. It still freaks me out. He really doesn't have that much room, yet off he goes, motoring rolling around like it's nobody's business.

Looking forward to meeting him!

All for now. Have to decorate the tree.

s.

Week 34. Feeling great.

If it wasn't for the Hemorrhoids.

Yes, hemorrhoids. I knew I had it too easy with this pregnancy. I got away without nausea (for the most part), the constipation only lasted a little while until I discovered the miracle of prune juice and Lucerene yogurt, and not much else really (ok, so there is the heartburn - but nothing Tums can't solve, and the not sleeping - but I'm chalking it up to by body getting ready to be up all hours anyway!).

And so hemorrhoids. Woke up thismorning to bright red blood. Got a fright until I realized it was coming from the back door, and knew it had to be the dreaded 'roids that everyone tells me about. Called the BC Nurses Line just to be on the safe side. Their question: Are you sure it's not coming from your vagina? Yes, I'm sure. Then they had to go through a list of questions from their computer.. this next one totally freaked me out: "Is there a cord or a foot or anything sticking out of your vagina?"

WTF?! LOL! I looked at Donald and repeated the question to the nurse as I found it so bizarre. I mean, if there WAS a foot or cord coming out of my vagina, I think I'd be on my way to the loony bin hospital, and not chatting casually with her!

Anyway, she recommended I talk to my OB because I'm pregnant. (But hemorrhoids are part of pregnancy!). Anyway, she knows more than me in this department, after all, she is a nurse, so I hung up and called my OB. From there I got, "well, you're bleeding from your rectal area, not your vagina, so it's really something you should see your family doctor about, not us." And that made sense to me, so next call was to my GP. And they wanted to see me right away. So here we are, massive snow storm in Vancouver and we have to drive up hill to my GP.

And face the humiliation of an exam.

God. So humiliating. At least it only lasted 4 seconds.

And nothing to worry about - only a bout of 'roids.

So freakin' glamorous, this pregnancy has become.

S.

This is exactly why I do not do outdoor sports in Vancouver.

That, and I'm 7.5 months pregnant and can hardly make it from one end of the mall to the other anymore.

But really, I thought being stuck on a ride at Disneyland during the earthquake was bad (think I was 12 weeks along at the time). But no, this takes the cake. Big fear realized. No gondolas for Stephi for the foreseeable future.

I'll still take the little guy to Whistler though. And I'm sure when he's old enough he'll be a fantastic après-skier (just like his mom)! Or there's always tobogganing down Whistler Creekside in the middle of the night!

Alot on the go lately - went to the Infant Care class on Sunday at BC Women's. Hilarious facilitator. RN in labour and delivery, and mother of six (triplets, twins and a single one!). I was waiting with baited breath to learn how to change a diaper (isn't that pathetic? 38 years old and had to take a class....) and I finally asked to be shown. Well, 1/2 the class came rushing over to watch, so I didn't feel as awkward anymore! 10:1 I'll still need youtube when I actually have to do it on my own. First time mom's - I'm sure I'm not the only one that's scared I'll do something wrong and tear off his belly button or something....

I'm sleeping now that my husband is in another room (still sad about that, but I've got to get sleep!), but I wake up at the sound of a pin dropping, so my sleep is interrupted. Like last night when I finally got to sleep around 12:30am, only to wake up at 3am to my neighbours FREAKING LOUD MUFFLER. Then was up until 7am. Argh. But hey, I'm sure there will be nights like that when the little guy comes, so there you go.

I'm having really sharp pains in my lower pelvic area every day. Only lasts for a few seconds and a span of about 5 minutes in total, but they do cause me to pause and take a breath. Asking my doctor on Monday what it may be. I thought Braxton Hicks were more "crampy" than sharp pains, but I'll find out next week.

Hospital bag almost ready to go. Just looking for a robe and slippers to wear over the hospital gown while I'm labouring. I want to look nice for myself and feel like a girl. Want something pretty for myself! But I can't find anything. All the robes are big and fleece or terry. Too big. I look like a house! I'll still look, might have to spend more money than I want, but it's my little treat for myself. IF, I can find something.

And I'm 34 weeks today! Must get the husband to take a pic tonight and I'll post along with the 34-week update AND along with the breaking news that I've been nominated for a 2008 Medical Weblog Award! More on that later tonight. For now, this pregnant chick has GOT to find something to eat!

S.

Things are slowing down for me these days. Not only is my body (can't rush through the malls anymore!) slowing down with a serious waddle, but things around me are. I'm not into venturing out much. Not into running around town. Not really into seeing many people, even though I love them. It's not about them, it's about me.

I'm totally into nesting. Getting the nursery in order. Getting our affairs in order. Getting Christmas over with (truthfully - just not into it this year... much too busy with other things and much else on my mind!) and ringing in the new year. Getting details finalized. And resting!

Resting on the couch with a good book or movie. Cuddling up early in bed and reading with Donald or cuddling with the cats and doing some work on the laptop.

I'm just so not into leaving the house much. Plus, it's a whole adventure even trying to get out of the house to begin with! Let's just say I totally understand now why some pregnant women wear really ugly shoes. It's just so hard trying to tie up laces or fit your feet into your regular shoes! I can hardly lift my leg up to get my shoes on! I want a nice pair of slip ons, except it's December. And I can't find fashionable ones. And I'm so picky. Uggs would be fantastic, but they're 200.00. I don't think so. That's the price of a crib (almost).

I can't really get comfy anymore. Sitting up in bed hurts my lower back. Lying down is uncomfortable unless I'm sleeping. And hard to fall asleep when you're uncomfortable! Sitting on the couch isn't the greatest. Might bring out the glider to see if I'm comfy sitting in that.

So this was my first complaining post. Done.

S.

This... is keeping me up at night:

She's such a little brat! First it was my husband, now it's Chicken. Argh.

So last night I fell asleep around midnight and woke up at 2am (because of Chicken). Wide awake. So me and Donald watched last week's Grey's Anatomy and then I read for a while and watched Breakfast Television (still awake at 6am!) and fell asleep around 8am until phone rang at 9. Not a good sleep. But with Chicken, when I lock her out of the room, she makes more of a racket crying to get it!

So annoying.

But on the plus side, me and Don got to hang out together and cuddle and chat for a while.

During commercial breaks.

S.

33 Weeks today!

Feeling good. Feeling great. Feeling a bit panicked - still so much to do. Simply have to get off our butts and do it. It's all becoming more real now, hence the panic. Dena, my best girlfriend, is currently in early labour. So that's driving it home that we're not close to ready! And a baby is going to come out in a few weeks! God, it's so real all of a sudden. I'd better get my butt in gear.

Something new at 33 weeks: I can no longer pee in a cup.

Well I can... but I can't see what I'm doing. My belly is in the way. It's hit or miss. I have to pee each time I see my doctor (5 more visits before baby!) and slide the cup through a window to the reception desk. Sliding the cup through the window is the easy part. It's actually getting my pee in the cup that's the hard part. I have to do it by ear now.

Peeing by ear. Hmmm.... there's got to be a joke in there somewhere.

To follow up on the last post.... I do not have a huge-ass monster baby in my womb. The doctor says he's average size, and my size is right on track.

What's average size, I asked?
Oh, I usually say a 7.5 lb baby is average.

That's HUGE! When I was born, we were all 5.5 lbs, 6 lbs, that sort of thing. 7.5 is HUGE! MASSIVE. UGH.

Jesus. 7.5 lbs. That, to me, is really big. I'm going to concentrate on the fact that chinese babies are smaller. Yeah, Yeah, I'll just lie to myself.

He's still head down and will probably remain that way as there's just not that much room for him to turn back up. Which is awesome! No worries about breech. He still moves around alot in there and I'm feeling the actual size of him increase. It's wild. He's taking up more space. He's growing so much. I can tell knees/elbows now (ok, so they might be feet/hands), but still can't get butt/head clear. Yes, you'd think head would be down and butt would be up, but what about when it's kinda side-to-side? I'm pretty sure his whole leg was sticking out of my belly last night. I felt it and moved my hand right up it as it moved. It was like a fat little sausage. My little guy. Sigh.

I'm up to 147 lbs right now, which isn't too bad seeing as I started at 123 or something. No swelling really. Just a bit heavier and awkward at times (like in yoga class - freakin' hilarious, the things I just can't do anymore).

A box from Babies R Us showed up today... must go open it!

Belly shot tomorrow.

All for now,
s.

Went to "Prenatal in a Day" at BC Women's yesterday.

It was fantastic! I was very impressed with how they are everything I thought they wouldn't be. They are so for the mom and baby. My fears were put aside. Fears of the "coldness" of it all. Fears they would treat the birth of my little guy more as a procedure and not a, well, a birth experience. The experience that it is. The experience of joining the world. The experience of me bringing a being into this world. They are so focused on making sure you have the experience you desire. Make no mistake, the health of the baby is first and foremost. Yet they are there for you too.

Me and him are delivering and doing all the work. They're in the room to make sure it happens without incident. And to catch him when he comes out.

I was really happy to hear their philosophy.

I was also really happy to have the husbands and support persons included in the session. Not just that they were there, but they were part of the "curriculum" and there was alot of how important they are to the birth and the labouring (don't like that they call it labour "pains" because that word brings up such fear so Donald and I are going to make up our own word. Read somewhere about using the word "surge" instead, so might go that route.). I think it really opened Donald's eyes that he's actually part of this, not just there because I want him to be or because I need him to be. I want him to have the experience he wants as well. That probably won't be venturing too far below the waist. Nor cutting the cord. It will be as it will be for him, but trust me...he's not waiting out in the hallway until it's over! There's more discussion due on this one. I think it opened his eyes a bit as to just how important he is to it all. We'll see.

The other gals that were there and due around my time were much smaller. So now I'm freaked out, thinking I have a huge baby growing inside me. Going to ask my doctor tomorrow at the check up about this.

(Anyone know if you can tell how big a baby is before he's born? Need another ultrasound I suppose?)

Next week is Infant Care Class. This will get into the nitty gritty of the care after delivery (just a small example is how to change a diaper... thank god!) and apparently lots of talk on vaccines. Don't know what else, will find out on Sunday!

All for now. Me and my big-ass baby have actual work to do....

Bought these products at Superstore. No parabens. No phthalates. No harmful stuff for baby. And only 3.99 each. Good times.

Just trying to be a conscious parent.

s.

I don't know what's sadder. The fact that my husband and I can no longer share a bed, or the fact that this is where he's sleeping:

This simply won't do. We'll have to buy him a "real" blow up bed, one that is off the floor. And bigger. This is awful. Funny, but awful! On the other hand, I slept like a BABY again last night!

S.

Kinda sad, Kinda happy.

My husband isn't sleeping with me anymore.

Last night was night #1 of him sleeping on the couch. Poor sod. But I slept like a BABY. I woke up feeling great. Was all good until about 1pm when I needed a nap, and now I have energy and am actually cooking dinner! What a difference a full night sleep can make!

We're off to see Great Big Sea tonight and then stopping by his sister's place to get her blow up bed and he's going to be sleeping in the nursery until the baby is born. I can't believe it's come to this, but it's the only way I can get sleep. If he would only come to bed at the same time as me, I'd be fine.... but he comes to bed at 2 or 3 in the morning and I'm a light sleeper so of course I wake up and then can't get back to sleep. But also, I can't really get comfortable. So I kinda sleep all over the bed with various pillows and wedges to prop me up. And so he doesn't really get a good night's sleep either, on his little slither of matress.

We started to chat about it the other night and he said that alot of the people at his work were telling him to sleep in another room (from their experience while their wives were pregnant!) to help the wifey. I'm glad he told me that. I don't feel as bad now, pretty much kicking him out of the bedroom.

I can't believe I just said, "wifey".

All for now.

s.

Drool....

Got it! Just need the car seat now and that's out of the way. Another thing off the list. Feels good. Up next, rug for nursery. Ikea is having their winter sale starting Friday so I'm going to pop in and see if I can find something.

S.

32 weeks!

Here we are at 32 weeks. And this is what a baby looks like in utero at 32 weeks.

My God, where does the time go? Just yesterday I was staring at a stick with two pink stripes, and today I'm preparing my hospital bag!

Right now I'm reading, "Bountiful, Beautiful, Blissful". Some of it is informative, some of it just reiterates my thoughts that, really, it simply is what it is. But the best thing I got out of it is this quote: "Want to make God laugh? Tell him your plans."

Very funny.

It did bring up a couple of things that I will chat with my OB about next visit. Will BC Women's support me if I'm feeling the need to deliver from a squatting position, or bent over, or standing, or any position but on my back? What if I'm called to walk and walk and walk through my labour? What if I would like the lights turned down a bit, especially during labour? It's about me and the baby and the healthiest birth possible so I just want to make sure our needs are being met in the safest way possible - and I don't want to feel afraid or uncomfortable in voicing my concerns, needs, wishes, etc.

So that's where I am now.

That, and sitting here blogging at 4:24am because I've been awake since my husband came to bed at 2am. ARGH. And I have such a busy day ahead! I'm writing a series on Pitching for my business, have a coffee meeting at 11:00, a massage (finally!) at 12:30, and a pedicure at 2:00 (seeing as I can hardly manage to cut my own nails at this point, let alone massage and paint them!) Then it's a few more hours of trying to drum up some more business and hopefully checking out a stroller in the early evening.


Baby: He's 17" from head to toe, and weighs about 3.75 lbs. The body is so amazing... how he fits in there! I wonder if the cirque folks have pre-birth memories and that's how they can fit into their crazy contortions.

Or they're boneless.

He's supposed to gain a third to a half of his birthweight in the next 8 weeks so I'm supposed to be eating well. The thing is, I don't have much of an appetite. Nothing is appealing to me. At all. It's like the first trimester again. Can only eat 1/2 of anything in front of me before I'm full or feel a bit ill. I'll just munch through the day I suppose and see how that does me. Lots of fruit and I guess I'll buy stuff that's ready to eat RIGHT NOW instead of having to prepare something (ie: safe meats for a quick sandwich instead of having to boil eggs or mix tuna, etc, because by the time that's done I've lost my appetite again. Frustrating. Very frustrating. It's times like these that I wish we could afford a food delivery service!)

It's now 4:51am and I've just yawned. Perhaps I'll manage to fall asleep in the next few minutes. One can always hope!

All for now.
s.

I've been having the weirdest dreams.

When I manage to sleep, that is.

They're like the first trimester dreams, only more about me and my personal safety. They're horrible. I know they are showing me my anxiety about labour and delivery, and I'm not taking them literally, but my God they're horrendous.

Dreaming of relatives dying (that are pregnant), dreaming of people trying to kill me, dreaming of people succeeding in killing me... which I've dreamt my whole life. Weird hey? I've seen myself die in my dreams numerous times and in numerous ways. Stabbings, suffocating, drowning (which seemed the most peaceful) and shot to death. But here I am, still kickin'!

And here I am at almost 32 weeks:

(and that's my darling Ling Ling strolling by).

All for now.

s.